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(Presented by Lisa Bishop)
Are you a peacemaker or a peacekeeper? There’s a difference between being a peacemaker, actively pursuing peace in the midst of conflict, and being a peacekeeper, avoiding conflict in an attempt to keep the often “false peace”.
According to the Bible there is nothing inherently wrong with conflict. Disagreements happen. But the way we resolve our conflicts is extremely important. Conflict can become the catalyst to greater understanding, intimacy, and depth of relationship; or it can bring anger, bitterness, and broken relationships. How you deal with conflict will literally shape the direction of your life.
Whether it’s addressing a conflict with your supervisor, an argument with your aunt, or not seeing eye to eye with a friend, most of us feel anxious, fearful or at least uncomfortable when conflict arises.
It’s important to ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” For me, I am often hesitant to lean into conflict because I am afraid I will in some way damage the relationship or cause the other person to not like me, to walk away from the friendship or cause a further wedge between us. Yet more often than not avoiding conflict only leads to a build up of hurt and resentment and then the very thing you fear the most ends up happening. Distance grows, avoidance settles in, and the relationship fades. So what do we do? The first step to take is to identify the conflict. Take time to reflect and write down, “who is the conflict with,” and from your perspective, “what happened?”
This is also a critical time to get honest with yourself and acknowledge the role you played in the conflict. Now you might be saying, “it’s all her fault. I did nothing wrong.” But most often there is something that both parties need to address and own. It could be an attitude or reaction on your part that God brings to light. As the saying goes, “it takes two to tango.” My favorite verses in displaying humility and inviting God to shed light on my contribution to a breakdown are found in Psalm 139:23-24. “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Invite Jesus into your conflict!
This posture before God models a teachable heart and invites God to use the conflict situation to grow and sanctify you. Your heart will be primed to approach the other person with humility and in a way that will honor God.