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I want to talk about what prevents us from radically accepting. And it’s these three barriers.
- Justification
- Minimization
- And denial.
What comes to mind is a king in the Bible that was the son of Solomon. If you remember that Solomon was the king of wisdom. His son Rehoboam stepped into leadership and immediately tried to justify his actions (1 Kings 12). He tried to minimize what was going on with the Israelites and deny his role in the problem. How often do we step into those places ourselves?
So let’s think about it. When you’re involved in a situation that you want to change, it’s important to think about what are the areas that are keeping you stuck in this place. Justification is “Well this is why I’m doing it.” It’s the good old-fashioned kind of really providing an example or an argument – kind of digging your heels in and saying “Hey I have every right to be here.” It could be that you have a boss that is difficult to work with. So your justification is “I didn’t choose to work for this person. They are putting way too much pressure on me. I don’t really have a choice in the matter.” We can always own something in our decisions.
The second barrier to change and to radical acceptance is minimization. Minimization is saying it’s not that big of a deal. It’s not taking ownership of what we contribute to a conflict or a lack of resolution to a situation. Maybe it’s our attitude or our response to a spouse or a coworker or to a child. What I’m saying, how I’m acting – it’s not having that much of an impact.
Then the final barrier – which is the hardest to take ownership over- is denial. Denial takes first really recognizing that with every problem, even though our contribution may not be significant it always takes two to Tango. We always contribute something to the situation and circumstances that we’re in.
So if you find yourself in a season of really struggling to own and accept what is happening in your life right now, consider taking a step back, reflecting, pausing, and asking the question: why am I stuck here? What am I justifying? What am I minimizing? Or even what am I denying? Then how can you begin to take ownership of your role and start to shift and change towards the perspective that really reflects God’s purpose and the values that he has instilled in your life.