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Did you know that some people believe in “winning through intimidation”?
You’ve run into this person before, I’m sure. He or she will say things like:
“What’s the name of your manager?”
“Do you know who I am?”
“You’ll hear from my lawyer.”
“This is the last time we’ll do business with you.”
“My boss will hear about this.”
“I’m going to send a memo to the President.”
“I’ve been here 20 years and I know what I’m talking about.”
“I have connections!”
“I’m going to run away from home.”
“I’ll never speak to you again!”
Your first response to the intimidator is to let him or her know that you are not intimidated. The best way to do that is to immediately acknowledge that he or she has the option to do whatever it is they are threatening to do, and then move immediately into solution stage, as though the threat is behind you. More often than not, an intimidator is bluffing and will back off quickly with this kind of response:
“Of course you can speak with my manager. Her name is Alice Smith, and as soon as she is available, I will connect you. Meanwhile, let me see if I can resolve this issue for you…”
“If you feel that your best course is to take legal action, I’ll be glad to put you in touch with our legal department. However, we both recognize that is not an ideal solution, and I’d like to work with you for a satisfactory resolution. Here’s what we can do…”
In a family situation, this may take a slightly different approach. For example, if a child is threatening to run away from home, it would have the same effect to say:
“We would be very sad and lonely here without you.”
Another way to show the intimidator you are not intimidated is to state your name clearly, even if you’ve already given it. That lets the intimidator know that you are confident your response has been correct and are willing to be accountable for anything you’ve said or done.
Most intimidators will back off quickly when they find someone who doesn’t wilt under the intimidation, who is confident, and who at the same time, genuinely tries to solve the problem.