Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 3:00 — 4.1MB)
What do you do when you’re confronted with an angry, irate person? There are five stages to remember in dealing with a person who is angry and irate, and it is important to follow these stages in sequence:
- Listen and allow that person to ventilate.
Many times an angry person simply needs to “get it off his/her chest,” and then that person calms down. So, when you encounter someone who is in an angry state, tell yourself, “Just listen.”
- Defuse the anger
When it is your turn to talk, be sure you first go through the “defuse stage.” Here are some effective ways to defuse a situation:
- Use empathy and/or sympathy.
Some sample empathetic phrases are:
–“I can understand your frustration…”
–“I certainly can see why that would upset you…”
–“I know how annoying that can be…”
–“I know what you mean; that has happened to me, and it can be very upsetting.
You can sympathize with an angry person without apologizing. For example:
–“I’m sorry you’ve had a problem…”
–“I’m sorry this has inconvenienced you…”
–“I’m sorry to hear about that…”
- Agree where possible. When you can agree with someone, it is a very strong defuser, because it’s no longer “me against you,” but you put yourself on their team, trying to solve their problem.
- Apologize if appropriate.
- Assure the angry person of a response. But of course, don’t promise what you cannot deliver.
- Clarify the situation
Typically, very angry people will exaggerate their problem. It may be helpful to paraphrase the situation back to the angry person, minus the anger.
- Offer suggestions and/or solutions
After defusing and clarifying, you should be able to go into solution stage. That will take many different forms based on the situation.
However, I would emphasize once again that you do not go to solution stage until you’ve defused.
- End on a positive note
After you have dealt with an angry person, remember to have the “last word,” and make certain that last word is positive.