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Do you sometimes feel like you’re pulled in two directions? It’s understandable if you do, because we know from the Bible that as believers we are to accept who we in Christ and be content with the way God has designed us. We know we’re not supposed to compare ourselves to others and envy who they are or what they have. We know we are each specially created by God like no one else and we should appreciate his handiwork in us.
But on the other hand, if you’re like me, you also know there are many things about yourself that you should not just accept. We all have blemishes and defects and areas of failure. We look at others who seem to have it much more together than we do and feel we should be like them. In other words, we know there is much room for improvement and needed maturity in some areas.
So, our dilemma is: How do we accept who we are when who we are is not all we should be? How can you believe that you’re really special just the way you are when you know, as I do, that you’re a long way from completion?
It almost seems like mission impossible. It appears to be a paradox with no solution. On the one hand we’re admonished to rejoice and celebrate who we are and on the other hand, we’re daily aware of our inadequacies and shortcomings.
Well, here’s what I’m coming to understand: I truly must accept and be contented with who I am and rejoice in how God has created and gifted me. But I want to have a holy discontentment with where I am in my growth and maturity. Contentment and lack of contentment at the same time. Or you could say, accepting who I am but not settling for where I am. As God has given me this new understanding, it has greatly helped to clear up my misunderstandings and apprehensions. I can do both at one time—accept and appreciate who I am in Christ and continually strive to grow more and more into what I was created to be.
Let’s look at some specific areas where we often have difficulty accepting who we are, but where we must also never settle for less than we can be.
Your Body
The Bible says that each of us is fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139: 13-14). God fashioned us in our mother’s womb, and he knew us before we were born. So, we should accept and be contented with how God’s hands made us and formed us because God doesn’t make mistakes.
Do you have negative eyesight? You know what I mean? When you look in the mirror, do you see only the negatives? Do any of these kind of thoughts plague you often:
- Oh, this hair; if only it were shorter or longer or thicker or thinner or blonde or brunette.
- Oh, this face; if I just had higher cheek bones, or could get rid of this double chin, or had a smaller nose.
- Oh, this body; if only I had longer legs, or thinner thighs, or smaller hips, or some kind of waistline!
Now, tell the truth, don’t we often tend to focus on the negatives.
In our society we’ve been led to think that the thin, shapely female body is the only acceptable one. And I don’t have to tell you the damage we’ve done to ourselves by swallowing this line of thinking. Anorexia and bulimia are two modern-day serious problems some women have because of their obsession with trying to make their bodies perfect.
I want to encourage you to be contented with the body God has given you. God has his purposes for your body just the way he created it. I think of my dear friend, Fran, who is now with Jesus. She was just barely five feet tall. All her life she was the shortest one around. But you know, God used her size to enlarge her ministry. You see, because she was short and cute, her appearance was rarely threatening or intimidating to anyone. It made it easy for her to make friends—and she made friends with everybody. In two seconds she would have you laughing and know all about you and you would love her. Combined with her personality, that short statue was a tool in God’s hands, and God used her in very special ways. It is not a mistake that she was a short person.
Not all of us were created with thin bodies, like the magazines depict as the shape to be. How crazy that we’ve allowed this culture to define only one shape that is considered credible and beautiful. It’s obvious that God likes all kinds of shapes—just look around you. How dull this world would be if we all came in one size and shape. No, there are many varieties of body shapes that are God-designed.
Accept the body and face and size and shape that God has given you. He has a reason and a purpose. Accept, but don’t settle. Keep that body running on all cylinders. Do everything you can to keep it healthy. Exercise as you know you should; get rid of some of those harmful eating habits. Be contented with your body, while at the same time never settling for anything less than the best it can be.
While we don’t want to get caught up in this world’s paranoid pursuit of the perfect body, we do want to be found faithful in taking care of what God has given us. This is an area where I struggle a lot, but I’ve made it a matter of prayer for years now, that God would strengthen me to do the things I know I should do for the sake of keeping my body strong and healthy, and yes, looking as good as possible. The Apostle Paul teaches us to bring our bodies into subjection so that we can run our race to the end and win the prize.
We don’t often categorize our physical well-being as a spiritual matter, but you know, it is. We will be held accountable for how well we’ve used our resources of physical strength and durability. The condition of your physical body has a direct relationship to your effectiveness in doing what God has called you to do.
Very recently I was struck by this passage from Psalm 92:12-15:
The righteous flourish like a palm tree. . . They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The Lord is upright;…
As the years pile up, your body goes through changes. But I love this truth that we can still bear fruit even as we age, and be “full of sap and green.” I don’t want to run out of gas. I don’t want to be prohibited from ministry because my body fails me. Now, there are some physical problems over which you and I have no control. But to a great extent, our behavior and discipline determine how good we’re going to feel, how long we’re going to last, how clearly you can think, how fast you can react, how much you can accomplish. You don’t want to settle for anything less than God’s best for you—right?
So, accept the way God created you, but don’t settle for anything less than you can be physically.
Your Personality
Another thing you need to be contented with is your own personality. Each of us is unique; God doesn’t make cookie-cutter Christians. And our personalities are a key part of our identity. Some of us are “people people;” some are “project people.” Some of us are out-going and gregarious. Others are reserved and quiet. Some are leaders; others are followers. Some are extroverts, others are introverts. There are many variations in the personalities God has given us.
And each personality has its strengths. For example, a gregarious, out-going person makes friends easily and puts people at ease. But the quiet, reserved person is a very good listener who people turn to when they need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. Because they are quiet, they rarely hurt people’s feelings or cause confrontations. They are often peacemakers.
Now, tell the truth, are you content with the personality God has given you? Do you even know what it’s like? You should, and you should appreciate that personality. I’ve mentioned how for many years I thought my take-charge entrepreneur type personality was a mistake; it seemed to me that women shouldn’t be like me. In fact, as a college student I tried once to change my personality. I thought by a set of my will I could be like some other girls at my college who seemed to have more appropriate personalities than I did. The effort did not succeed; in fact, it was a total flop. Not only did I fail to change my personality, but I came off as phony and insincere—which of course I was!
Even though it’s taken me far too long, I’ve finally come to really appreciate the personality that God has given to me, as awkward as it may be at times, and I like the way God has made me. I don’t have a need to be like other women any longer, and of course, that is great freedom. It also means I can appreciate others much more, because I’m not comparing myself to them or competing with them—at least not often! It releases me from jealousy and envy.
The challenge is to be contented with who you are but not where you are in your growth. Focus on the personality flaws that accompany your personality, pray about them, and ask God to polish you, get rid of the rough edges.
For example, I am a project-oriented person, but that doesn’t give me an excuse for being insensitive to people. Just because I’m a doer, I still must take time for meditation and planning and quiet time. My personality is the talker type; I have no problem talking—as you can tell. But I must learn to listen even though it doesn’t come naturally to me.
It’s true for all of us—our personalities have strengths and weaknesses. You must be able to appreciate the strengths and enjoy who you are, but never be content with the flaws that are inherent in your personalities. We can’t use that old excuse, “Well, that’s just the way I am!” I’ve noticed when we use that cop-out phrase, it’s usually an excuse for not facing our personality flaws and an unwillingness to make needed changes.
Now, it’s important that the two go together: Accepting but not settling. You see, when you can truly accept and appreciate the good things about the way God created your personality, then you are not destroyed to discover that there are some weaknesses that exist. If you’re not willing to face your personality weakness, it could be because you haven’t yet learned to appreciate your strengths. The two go together.
Second Corinthians 3:18 says we are being transformed into the likeness of Jesus Christ with ever-increasing glory. You don’t have to have a different personality to be transformed into the likeness of Jesus. You just have to polish the rough edges of the one you have, while appreciating the strengths.
There is wonderful freedom in accepting who you are. Freedom from having to live up to other’s expectations—or even your own. Freedom from having to be like others or compete with others. Freedom from the need to prove to the world that you are someone special, because you already know you’re someone special to God. It really takes the monkey off your back!