Saying “No” Without Guilt

Why is it hard for us to say “no”? We’re delving into this topic, so that we can be set free from the bondage of saying “yes” to everything and everyone and becoming burned out and ineffective as a result.

 

In her booklet on saying no without guilt, Alice Fryling points out that “We get instant affirmation from saying yes. We get personal stimulation from the idea of meeting a challenge, using our gifts or tapping into our creativity, and we avoid the unpleasantness of having to say no.”

 

This hits the nail on the head for me. I learned some years ago that one reason I was trying to do so much was to hear the accolades and affirmation I received from others. Those comments feIt good; I liked them and I wanted more. I wanted the affirmation of people; it fed my ego and made me feel good about myself. But for years I was deceived and didn’t realize what was behind much of my activity—good activity, ministry activity.

 

The Apostle Paul wrote to the Galatians, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Gal 1:10). We have to decide who we are trying to please. If pleasing people is your goal, if you need the affirmation of others in order to feel good about yourself, you will always be in bondage to those people, whoever they are, and you will never fully succeed. It’s impossible to please people all the time, no matter how hard you try. But the good news is, it is possible to please God. And what I’ve discovered is that when my priority is to please God, I typically please more people that way than when I try to please people!

 

Search your heart today, if you are plagued by this difficulty of saying “no,” and ask God to reveal to you why it is so hard for you to say “no.” You may discover some unlovely motivations there, but in so doing, you will uncover truth that can set you free!