Saying “No” Without Guilt

 

Do you have difficulty saying no? Many of us feel obligated to be everything everyone thinks we should be and do everything everyone thinks we should do! For years I thought I was supposed to do whatever anyone asked me to do—period! 

 

Well, I can assure you that if you think like that, you’ll end up in burnout territory, desperately trying to jump through everyone’s hoops, and discovering, as you pick yourself up off the floor, that you really are not superwoman and you have to learn to say no. But how—and when? 

 

I recently came across a small booklet by Alice Fryling entitled “Too Busy? Saying No Without Guilt.” The title caught my attention and the content really spoke to me. This week I want to share some of her insights, as well as my own, and I’d love to send you this booklet, if you struggle with how and when to say no.

 

The first lesson we have to learn is that it is okay to say “no.” Jesus said, “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’: anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matt. 5:37). There are times to say “yes” and times to say “no,” and our challenge is to learn the difference. In fact, Jesus told people “no” on several occasions, disappointing some no doubt, perhaps even angering some, and leaving his disciples wondering why. For example in Luke 12, when a man asked him to settle an argument he was having with his brother, Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” Jesus said “no,” not because he couldn’t do it, but because it wasn’t what he was called by God to do.

 

So, we begin with knowing what is legitimately our responsibility and what is not. For example, on your job there are times when you necessarily do things that are not within that job description, but if you are continually doing the work of others or getting side-tracked into projects not your own, you may discover that you have difficulty doing what is rightfully expected of you. If this is the case, you need to determine the best way to say “no.” Your approach and choice of words would be critical, but until you learn to say “no,” you’ll never bring that job under control.