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We see throughout God’s Word many warnings that our tongues can be a deadly weapon. Proverbs 18:21 says “The tongue has the power of life and death….” In James we read that the tongue is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. What we say carries a powerful punch. So, we just need to be reminded very frequently to speak words of life not death.
Since we all are taking this weapon with us every day—to work and everywhere else—we just need to be sure we know how to use it. The Word of God has a lot to say about how our words can deliver death blows to other people. It was some years ago when I began to pray scripture into my life, and as a verse spoke to me, I wrote it in my prayer journal and prayed it regularly. After a few years I noticed that many of those verses had to do with my tongue—with the words I speak.
No doubt that’s because speaking without thinking has always been a challenge for me. And I learned quickly that you cannot unsay what you’ve said! You can apologize or try to explain it away—but you can never erase those words from the mind of another person who heard them.
Tell the truth, can you not remember hurtful words spoken to you years ago that are still stuck in your mind? Words have such power to do harm. Here are some examples of harmful words.
Harsh words – Proverbs 15:1 says harsh words stir up anger. Have you stirred up any anger recently with words? Harsh words may simply be the tone of voice you used, rather than the actual words you said. We can do so much damage just by the tone of our voice. When we purposely give curt replies to show our irritation, or bark orders at people instead of delivering our words gently, those are harsh words. They hurt; they injure.
Gossip – Proverbs 17:9 says that “repeating matters” separates intimate friends. Many friendships have been ruined because of gossip. Those words of gossip will damage your valued friendships and possibly ruin them for life.
I find that I can try to camouflage gossip or justify it. You know what I mean—I’ll tell myself that I’m not really talking about someone but I’m trying to help them. Or, I’ll rationalize that I’m talking to my good friends and so it’s okay. They understand I’m not really gossiping.
After spending a couple of hours with some friends on one occasion, I walked away feeling very unhappy about our conversation, because we had digressed into unprofitable words—words of criticism and condemnation toward people who were not present. Had you asked us if we were gossiping, I’m sure we would all have said, “No.” But in fact, we were.
How do you assess whether it’s gossip or just concerned conversation? That’s not hard. What is the purpose of the conversation, and what is the end result? Was anyone helped? Was anything positive accomplished? If not, it was gossip. For us that day, we just vented our frustration about certain situations, but we certainly accomplished nothing good.
Ephesians 4:29 says “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Gossiping—talking negatively about people who are not present—doesn’t build anyone up or benefit those who listen.
I think we are guilty of gossip even if we just listen. Have you ever thought about that? We can let ourselves off the hook by thinking, “Well, I didn’t say anything; I just listened.” If we’re honest, we’ll admit that we enjoyed listening to the gossip.
I think we can find ways of diverting that gossipy conversation and keeping it from getting started, if we really try. As I thought about my experience that particular day, I believe I could have stopped it dead in its tracks. And I think I could have done it without offending my friends, but even if it means looking a little prudish at times, we should do what we can to stop those harmful words of gossip.
I determined that when that kind of thing happens again, if it’s in my home, I’ll suggest we pray about the situation. Prayer stops gossip cold. If it’s not in my home or where I have some control over the situation, I’ll do everything possible to divert the gossip, even if I have to be obvious about it.
Here’s another bit of ammunition that comes from our mouths:
Quarreling – Proverbs 20:3 says that any fool will quarrel. It’s not hard to do. But we’re told to abandon the quarrel before it breaks out. The minute you sense a quarrel coming, abandon it! Run away! The world may call it “chicken,” but God says it is wise and prudent.
Who do you find it easy to quarrel with? Someone at work perhaps? Or very frequently our children or other family members. Quarrelsome words are deadly. We have to learn to run from them.
Hasty words – Proverbs 29:20 says that a person who speaks in haste has less hope than a fool. Did you respond hastily to someone recently? Chances are those hasty words were injurious to that person.
One of my constant prayer requests is that God would keep me from unguarded, hasty words. I’m prone to shoot from the hip. If it comes into my head, then I tend to say it. But how often I regret those hasty words. God is teaching me to measure my words, think about them before they come out. That just saves you so much trouble, not to mention the trouble those hasty words cause other people. And remember—you don’t have to say everything you’re thinking!
Lying – A lying tongue hates those it hurts, Proverbs tells us. Lying is an area where Satan, our enemy, really digs in. He’s the father of lies, so when he sees us lying he knows we’re in his territory.
These days lying is hardly ever thought of as sin. Most people think of it as a necessary part of life, and they even admire people who know how to lie and get by with it. Don’t let the world shove you into its mold. Don’t let lying be a part of your conversation. The Bible gives strong condemnation to liars. And there’s no such thing as a white lie. If it’s not the truth, it’s a lie.
Flattery – The Bible says that a flattering mouth works ruin. Does that mean we shouldn’t compliment people? Of course not. But an insincere compliment is what God hates. Flattery is really a very selfish act, because we’re saying something nice to gain an advantage or to gain favor, not because we want to be kind. Those are words that should not come out of our mouths. They will work ruin in the end.
Insults – Another way we injure people with words is by insulting them. In 1 Peter 3:8-10 we read that we are to be kindhearted, not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead.
Has someone insulted you lately? Next time it happens, as soon as you hear the insult, say to yourself, “Don’t return insult for insult, but give a blessing instead.” And then think of something nice to say to them. That’s how we’re supposed to handle insults. It is a very effective way; you’ll be amazed at how the other person responds to your blessing when they’ve just insulted you.
Profanity – In James 3:6-12 we read that it’s possible to praise God one minute with our mouth, and the next minute we’re cursing people with the same mouth, and this should not be so with God’s children. Now, you may be thinking, “Well, that’s not my problem; I don’t use profanity, so I don’t curse.”
Obviously Christians should never be found using any type of profanity. But that’s not the only kind of cursing we can do. First, think, why do people use profanity? To express all kinds of feelings, like frustration, anger, hatred, disgust, bitterness, etc. What do you say when you express those kinds of feelings? The words you use may be more acceptable words than profanity, but when you speak words to express those feelings, you are cursing.
How often, like me, do you find yourself praising God for something in your life, and then before you know it, out of that same mouth come words of gossip or harsh words, hasty words or angry words? That is blessing and cursing coming out of the same mouth.
Do you know what James says about that? First he says that since every person is made in God’s image, we are cursing God’s creation when we curse people. That person you verbally wounded was made by God in God’s image just as much as you are, so you’re cursing part of God’s creation. Now, that includes every person, even the ones who don’t act like they were created in God’s image.
Secondly, he asks if the same fountain can produce both sweet and bitter water. And the obvious answer is “no.” To me that says if I allow my mouth to curse other people pretty soon the bitter water will overtake the sweet water, and that fountain will start to give off nothing but the bitter water.
This matter of controlling your tongue is essential in your Christian walk. None of us will ever be effective for God without learning how to control our deadly weapons—our tongues. The Bible says that the person who can control her tongue can control every part of her personality. It is the key to many of the problems you and I face today.