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Did you know that incivility is out of control! A recent study reports that 70 percent of U.S. adults say incivility is at a crisis level. Is that true where you work—or where you live? Somehow we’ve allowed this lack of civility to creep into our culture until it has become the new normal—acceptable behavior. But you know, I think this gives us Christ-followers a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate the difference that Jesus makes in our lives. This opens the door for us to be lights in a dark world, and that is what Jesus has called us to.
First, let’s define incivility. The textbook definition is “rude or unsociable speech or behavior.” Incivility in the workplace can be perhaps more subtle, of lower intensity, maybe not even recognizable at first. But it shows up as lack of courtesy, abandoning simple polite behaviors and practices, using sarcastic remarks, rude and abrupt responses. And often the people engaging in uncivil behavior don’t intend harm; it’s just become a bad habit.
I think it’s time we fight back, don’t you? I have three simple suggestions that you can do to stem the tide of incivility in your world—your work world, your home world, wherever.
First Suggestion: Make sure you say please and thank you at every possible opportunity. Something as simple as that can make a difference, and if those words of courtesy have been lost in your world, reintroduce them! Say them to your family members—often we neglect courtesy in our homes. Find opportunities to thank people and don’t be afraid of over-doing it.
I challenge you to keep a count of the number of times you say please or thank you in a given day and determine to increase that number each day. Don’t discount the power of polite words spoken at the right time and in the right way. Those words become little rays of light in the darkness.
Second Suggestion: Be sure to ask at least one person every day how they are doing and then listen to their answer. Don’t let them get by with the typical response of “I’m fine” but probe a bit. Maybe you know they haven’t felt good lately—so ask how they’re feeling. Perhaps they are under a great deal of stress in their job, and you can ask about that. The most important part of this suggestion is that you sincerely ask and you sincerely listen. Sometimes this can open a door for you to assure them that you will pray for them.
You know, there are very few people in this world who will object to you praying for them, even if they don’t pray themselves. When people feel cared for, when they believe at least one person appreciates what they do or what they’re going through, it will affect the way they treat others. And this could cause a chain reaction of people caring for others. Imagine how that would improve the morale in your workplace!
Putting these two suggestions together, make it your intention to say please and thank you every time it’s appropriate, and show care and concern to at least one person every day. It will make a difference—you will make a difference, and Jesus will be honored by your actions.
Colossians 3:12 says “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Put on these beautiful attributes each day and I promise you will make a huge dent in turning around incivility in your world.
Third Suggestion: Watch out for sarcasm because it can become a weapon that hurts others, whether intentionally or not. Recently at my church where I’m on staff, one of the pastors said that he realized he was too sarcastic, just too often responding with sarcasm. It wasn’t intended to harm anyone—indeed it was done as a joke or a clever retort. But he felt it had become a bit much among the staff. So, he put a jar out and suggested that every time someone used sarcasm, they put a dollar in the jar, and then they would give that money to our fellowship fund, for people facing financial hardship.
I don’t know how much he raised for the fellowship fund, but I know that it caused everyone to simply be more aware that sometimes those clever sarcastic words can be hurtful and sound anything but civil and polite. I’m not saying that you have to walk on eggshells all the time for fear of saying the wrong thing.
For those of us who are prone to use sarcasm, we should keep in mind that what we may have meant as a clever response was instead hurtful to someone else. As Christians, we can do much to change a culture of incivility to one of caring and good manners. So, if there’s too much sarcasm in your world so that it contributes to this problem of incivility, make sure you are not contributing to that problem.
I want to also talk about cyber incivility because it can be a contributing factor to this epidemic of incivility. Cyber incivility is uncivil behavior in emails, texts, and social media communications. It is so easy to send something out that feels abrupt or unkind because you don’t have tone or volume to help communicate your message. Communicating electronically is inherently impersonal, and that’s why we have to go the extra mile to make sure our messages are presented in respectful and courteous ways.
A good idea is to re-read everything you’re sending electronically before you hit that send button; put yourself in the reader’s shoes and make sure you’ve included words of courtesy, words of appreciation, and words that show you care about that person. I know that I can be so focused on getting the message out that I forget there is a person on the other end who needs to be recognized as a person and a few courteous words can make a world of difference.
Then there are the acts of incivility which can seem “victimless,” but are still rude behavior that contributes to the overall incivility of the workplace. For example, not refilling the office coffee machine or printer, or tossing trash next to the trash can without picking it up are examples of victimless incivility. It does not have an immediate impact on another person, but it violates norms for courtesy, nonetheless.
Coworker incivility has been linked to higher levels of employee burnout, to lots of strain and stress. For the organization or the company, incivility has been related to decreased satisfaction and eventually decreased performance. An employee who feels disrespected is more likely to avoid offering new ideas or solutions and deliberately decreasing their productivity. They don’t care as much about the quality of their work, and they don’t usually offer to help others. In fact, they steer clear of the person who treats them rudely, and all that frustration can end up being taken out on customers! Not good!
Here’s another thing about incivility: It is contagious! An employee who is subjected to lack of civility, lack of good manners, lack of anyone seeming to care about them, often retaliates with uncivil acts and ways of their own. So, it can spiral out of control within an organization rather quickly. But the good news is that courtesy and good manners can be contagious, too.
Remember that Jesus has called us as his followers to be lights in a dark world, and that means not only that we are not caught up in this workplace incivility, but we are actively and intentionally trying to change that culture. But how?
Well, as I’ve often said, everything starts at the top, so if you are in a management job, or you’re in a place of influence, you should model what civil and courteous behavior looks like. Your level of courtesy and consideration toward others will trickle down to those who work for you and with you. As a manager, you are always “on,” which means you don’t have the luxury of letting your guard down, because your behavior has more impact than others. By setting the tone for the organization, managers and those in places of influence can help create a culture of simple courtesy, good manners, and caring about others.
As Christ followers, here is our standard, from Philippians 2:3-4:
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
That is very civil behavior, and with the power of God’s Spirit, you can be that person who values others above yourself.
Can we as Christ-followers in a world of incivility make a difference by just showing the love of Jesus and his compassion to the people in our world? We absolutely can, and these simple suggestions I’ve given you are so easy to do, don’t cost a thing, and can truly go a long way toward stemming the tide of incivility where you work.
Here’s a verse that will help you in this challenge, from Romans 14:19. I encourage you to pray it into your life:
Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.
The Bible gives us good principles that work. Even though written centuries ago, God’s truth never grows old; it is never outdated; it is always relevant. Doing what we can do—every effort—to promote peace and help the people we work with or for is our proper response to this principle from Romans.
And it does take effort, as Paul said. We have to be intentional about it, but I believe this could be one of your best ways to live out the Gospel where you work. That’s been the major theme of this ministry from our beginning in 1984. Christians in the workplace have an incredible opportunity to take Jesus into a world that needs his peace and his joy. It’s a mission field, and you get paid to go there. I know it’s not always fun or easy or rewarding; but through the power of the Holy Spirit you can be the Bible that your coworkers read.
Paul wrote to the Corinthian believers that “You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts” (2 Corinthians 3:3). You can be that letter from Christ that your coworkers read every day, and that can open up opportunities for you to explain that Jesus makes a difference in your life.