PROGRAM W-1726
I love people who do more than they have to do—people who exceed the requirements. That’s the kind of person I want to be; that’s the kind of person Jesus was. I believe with all my heart that we Christians should be extra-milers, and that if we are, we will have a stronger and more effective witness for Christ in our working worlds.
However, I think I need to address both sides of this principle. So the question is, “How many extra miles are we supposed to go?” Let’s read that part of the Sermon on the Mount from Matthew 5 which sets forth the extra-mile principles for us as Christians. Beginning in verse 38, Jesus said the following:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles” (Matthew 5:38-41).
Those principles are pretty clear—there’s no denying that Jesus intends for his disciples to have extra-mile attitudes. Now the question is this: Do the principles in Matthew 5 teach us that we are supposed to continue to endure unfair, unjust treatment without end? Does Matthew 5 mean that God really wants us to be doormats?
Let’s look at those principles in Matthew 5 again. Jesus is teaching us the extra-mile principle, but it seems to me that he is also teaching us its limits. He said if someone strikes you, turn your other cheek; however, he didn’t say lay down on the ground and let him run over you with a truck. He also said if you’re sued for a shirt, give a coat as well; yet, he didn’t say to throw in your whole wardrobe. He said if you’re asked to go one mile, go two; but he didn’t say go fifteen extra miles.
Let me relate a real experience that one woman shared with me, demonstrating how the extra-mile principle applies in her circumstance. As I do so, I believe you’ll be able to see how it can apply in your individual situations.
This woman works in an office with several other women. She is older than most of them and has a very strong work ethic. This means that she expects to work hard, does work hard, and gives her employer an honest day’s work all the time.
However, the younger women in her office don’t seem to have that same attitude. Instead, they try to get out of work as much as possible: they make long personal telephone calls, chat with each other, find excuses to leave their desks, and generally don’t care about getting their work done. They don’t even admire this older woman’s efforts; rather, they think she’s foolish to give more than is expected of her. Their attitude is “The company doesn’t care about you; why do you care about it?”
As a result, this older woman does much more than her share of the work. Because she is conscientious, she picks up the slack from those who aren’t pulling their share of the workload. She knows there is work to be done, so she does it.
Unfortunately, she resents it. This situation creates not only an additional workload for her, but it also creates a greater stress factor because, as she’s doing the extra work, she’s building up bitterness and resentment toward those who are sloughing off. She doesn’t know what to do. Should she just keep doing all that extra work without saying anything? Is that what it means for her to be an extra-miler?
As each of you are thinking about your own particular situations, the first question you must honestly answer is “Do I go the first extra mile?” There’s no question that we are expected to do more than is asked of us and, in this case, that would mean doing some of that extra work without complaining. Whatever form that extra mile takes, we’ve got to travel the extra mile first, before we take any other action.
In many cases, we resent going even one extra mile. But our biblical principal as found in Matthew 5 says we should go the one extra mile with a positive attitude and a willing spirit. Believe me, that takes prayer and spiritual maturity. But it’s important that we do it.
However, in this case, the older woman had gone many extra miles, many times, and it was now almost expected of her. There was no question she could honestly say “I’ve gone the extra mile.” So, what does she do next? Well, I believe now she must deal with it openly.
When you are in a position where that extra mile leads to many others, and the situation leads you to anger and bitterness, then it must be dealt with. If you continue to take the abuse and squash your bitter feelings—holding them within yourself—it’s like storing TNT inside you: you’re going to explode someday! When you do, it will be a totally inappropriate explosion—uncontrolled and un-Christlike.
In Ephesians 4:26 we read, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” This verse teaches us to deal with our anger and bitterness, not to harbor it. We need to find a way to express it appropriately. I asked this woman if she had ever talked with her boss about the situation, and she had not.
Undoubtedly, she felt funny doing that; nobody wants to be a “snitch.” Not knowing an appropriate way to address it, she simply took the path of least resistance, kept doing the work, and building up resentment about it. However, if she doesn’t find an appropriate way to express those feelings, one day she’ll be fed up to the brim and go in and express her resentment in regrettable ways.
I’ve always found when I have a touchy message to deliver, I need to give it much time and thought—and, of course, prayer. So, the first thing to do is pray about it. Ask God for wisdom on how and when to approach the subject. Then, write it out or type it out, word for word, and edit it carefully.
Always put yourself in the other person’s shoes by asking yourself how you would feel if someone said that to you. Soften the blows as much as you can. Remember the proverb that says, “Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness,” and make your words as palatable as possible. Whenever we have to deliver bad news, it’s best to preface it with something positive. So, write those words out and practice them.
Then, be sure your timing is right. Don’t deliver it on a busy day or when your boss is upset. Don’t deliver it when you’re upset. Be sure you are in control of your emotions and can speak quietly and calmly. Take a few notes with you to help you remember just what you want to say. This will keep you on track and show you’re not going off half-cocked. Don’t issue ultimatums; just present the problem and ask for help.
There’s a principle of respect here that is important to understand. In any mutually satisfying relationship, one key ingredient is that the two people respect each other. That’s true in marriage, in friendships, and with family members and friends. It’s also true in our relationships with coworkers and managers.
In this case, this woman has earned her right to say something about the unfairness of the situation, and it’s obvious to most everyone that she is being taken advantage of. Unfortunately, it’s likely that because she’s been willing to take it, nobody really thinks anything of it. They have lost respect for her in a way—we do that when people continue to be doormats unnecessarily. She needs to take a stand against this unfair situation not only because it’s unfair, but also to regain her own self-respect and to gain the respect of others.
She could say to her boss something like this: I’d like to bring a situation to your attention which has existed for a while. Frankly, I thought it would go away so I’ve hesitated to talk with you. However, I believe it’s time to address it with you.
After describing the problem unemotionally, she might close with this: I know you haven’t intended to allow an unfair situation like this to exist. I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to do my share of the workload as I always do, but I don’t think it would be right for me to continue to carry their share as well. It’s not fair to me, and it really isn’t fair to them either. They need to learn the discipline of doing what’s required of them.
That kind of an approach could re-establish the respect this woman has allowed to deteriorate—not because she hasn’t been doing her work, but because she has been “silently suffering” and allowing others to use her unfairly.
Everybody’s situation is different and there are no guarantees that everything will turn out wonderfully right with this approach. There are unreasonable people in this world, and many of you work with them and for them. But I honestly believe this kind of approach is biblical and is more appropriate than storing up bitterness, anger, and resentment toward unfair treatment.
If you’ve extra-miled it, and you’ve been giving not only your coat but your whole wardrobe away, it’s time to stop and ask yourself how many extra miles you should go. Jesus doesn’t call us to be doormats—to simply lay down and allow people to run over us. It’s much better to address these situations under control than out of control. If you let it continue, you’ll lose respect for yourself, others will lose respect for you, and eventually you’ll explode somewhere to someone inappropriately.
As difficult as this situation is to deal with, it’s better than the opposite: many people scrutinize everything asked of them and are afraid they might have to do something extra. That is most certainly not a Christian attitude; we should be extra-milers!
For those of you who do tend to go too many extra miles too often, you need to take some action before you become bitter and angry. However, I do want to thank you for extra-miling it, and I want to encourage you not to quit. Address the issue—yes—but don’t crawl back into that shell of “I’ll just do what I have to and nothing more.” Yes, we will be taken advantage of in this world. Jesus told us that we will suffer unjustly while we’re here on earth. But he said, “Take heart! I have overcome the world! (John 16:33).
Isn’t that good news? That’s what I want to leave you with: Take heart! Be encouraged! You’re serving the King of kings, and he has overcome the world! That means you can be an overcomer!