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Fran, a single mom with two school-aged kids, has set up a temporary office in the corner of her dining room, and a temporary classroom at the kitchen table for Drew and Alice. She’s hoping the kids will be back in the classroom soon, but not yet.
So, what does a single mom do when she has to wear yet another hat—that’s the question.
As the alarm goes off this Monday morning, Fran wearily drags herself out of bed to face another day at home with two kids. Her children are connected to their teachers at school on-line three days a week, and the other two days they can go to the classroom for 3 hours each day. It’s a new normal for Fran and the kids that is not normal at all. Fran knows the kids are not learning like they should be, their attention spans are getting shorter and shorter, and they whine a lot about not being able to see their friends.
After a quiet time with Jesus, Fran pulls on those comfortable jeans and an old shirt, because after all she isn’t going anywhere today so what she wears doesn’t matter.
She tries to let the kids sleep as long as possible—giving her a chance to get some things done before they invade her world. As she enters her new office, she is confronted with a world of work awaiting on her computer. “Good grief—there are 24 new emails just this morning. What time do these people get up to write to me so early?”
Just as she begins to tackle all that, Drew walks in rubbing his sleepy eyes. “Hey, mom, can we have pancakes for breakfast?”
“Drew, we had pancakes yesterday, right, so today let’s do cereal, if that’s ok.” Fran tries not to continually remind them that she has to work from home and they have to give her a break, because after all it’s not their fault. But they truly don’t understand that she has to spend significant time working from home.
“But I like pancakes better. Can’t you make some pancakes?” Drew doesn’t give up easily.
“Pancakes are for weekends, honey. So, your cereal and milk are ready in the kitchen. Please have those today, okay?” Fran struggles to control her urge to lecture him on how she has to work, but that’s not easy to do.
Well, that’s just the beginning of this day for this working-from-home single mom. Fran is learning that these stress-filled times can bring out the worst in her. Her coping abilities are stretched and her patience is challenged. God understands that, and he offers lots of grace at times like these. But she has difficulty giving herself some grace.
Finally, after getting breakfast for the kids, answering all their questions and listening to their complaints, Fran gets them settled this Monday morning, working on their iPads, and she tries to concentrate on the workload piled up on her own computer.
Fran has an important Zoom meeting with her largest client at 10 o’clock so she opens that meeting and three others join her. In the midst of this critical conversation, Alice, her 8 year-old, comes in. “Mom, my iPad is not working right today and Drew won’t help me fix it. Can you fix it?” and she tries to hand her iPad to Fran.
Making apologies to her client, she mutes her screen and quickly tries to resolve Alice’s problem. Drew joins the discussion, making it even more difficult, and finally Fran has to dismiss them. “Hey, guys, you’re just going to have to wait until I’m through with this conference, okay?”
They reluctantly leave the room muttering that she’s always on Zoom, and Fran returns to her meeting. This shifting of focus is one of the most difficult challenges in working from home for Fran. The kids are always there and she feels guilty when she has to continually remind them that she’s working. But going back and forth from one priority to another is just mentally exhausting.
She takes a break for lunch, and checks in with the kids. Although they really try to stay on task, she realizes that they need more supervision. But she can’t be in two places at once, and this just increases the stress, the guilt and the frustration she is having as a work-from-home mom.
“Oh, Lord,” she lifts up one of those emergency prayers, “what am I supposed to do? My job is as busy as ever, and I know I’m blessed that I still have a job. But God, I just don’t know how to balance all this. I need your help.”
Her prayer reminds her of a verse—Psalm 46:1: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. “Ever present,” she repeats. That’s my word for today. God is ever present.”
After lunch Fran calls her friend and coworker, Louise. They address some work issues, and then Fran says, “You know, Louise, working from home has some advantages—no commute time, no worries about what you’re wearing—but honestly for me, it is really hard. It would be easier if I could take the kids somewhere for the day—but where?”
“Yeah, I can see it’s a much different situation for you than for me, since I’m single, living alone. But I have gone weeks without a real human touch—you know? No handshakes, no hugs, nothing, and that gets old after a while. I miss the community we have at work and at church. I mean, church on-line is better than nothing, but I miss the fellowship with all my friends.”
Together the two of them discuss the pros and cons of working at home during this pandemic. Fran laments over her challenge of being a good mom and servicing her clients well. They both miss having quality time with friends, eating out once in a while, and things like that.
After a time of sharing their frustrations, Louise asks Fran, “Have you started a schedule with the kids? Like, do they know when they can have your attention and when you should not be interrupted?”
“Hmm, that’s a good question, Louise. I guess I tried to, but I certainly haven’t maintained it. It’s just easy to get sloppy when you’re home all day, not concerned with how you look, and the refrigerator is very accessible, so I end up eating too much junk.”
“Yeah, me too. Maybe we both need to put some structure into our work-at-home days,” Louise adds.
After they hang up, Fran thinks about what Louise said—about putting some structure into her days at home. She needs to give her job that eight hours a day just to get it done, and now she has that responsibility plus giving her kids the attention they need and deserve. After all, this situation is not their fault. So she sends up a quick prayer asking God for wisdom and help in how to wear all these hats and still stay sane!
The next day she sits down with Drew and Alice to talk about better ways to navigate this stay-at-home time. Together they agree on a plan. “Would it work for you two if we schedule some uninterrupted time for me to get my job done, and then we’ll schedule time when I can be with you without work interruptions—does that seem fair to you?”
Fran knows it is important that they own this new structure, so letting them help set the schedule is very critical to its success. After a lot of discussion, they put their agreed-on schedule on paper and post it on the kitchen white board. Fran also suggests that they all do a better job of getting up on time, making beds, getting dressed and not being quite so casual. That in itself sends the message that we are working in a schedule.
So, on Wednesday this new order is implemented. Drew and Alice are up on time, without being called, breakfast is accomplished quickly, they have a short time of prayer together, and life takes on a slightly different feel. Alice says, “Hey, Mom, I like that outfit. You haven’t worn that in a long time. I forgot you had it.” Fran realizes that even the care she takes in dressing makes a difference in how she feels and it sends a message to the kids, as well.
God is a God of order, not confusion, and when we get rid of anything that is confusing in our lives—any disorder—it makes a huge difference. Does that ring a bell with you? Maybe you need to impose some structure for yourself in order to have peaceful and productive days.
Do you know what it means to give yourself some grace? I’m finding that this new world in which we all are now trying to find our way requires a lot of grace. Grace we give others and grace we give ourselves. Just learning to overlook some things that irritate us, letting go of some expectations from others, sometimes letting some small inappropriate behavior go because we understand the increased stress we’re all under.
Fran’s routine has changed to a stay-at-home mother and work-at-home employee, wearing both hats 24/7, and it has proven challenging. Stressful situations like that very easily bring out the worst in us.
But with the kids agreement and suggestions, they have established some new guidelines and agreed to some new boundaries, so that Fran will have the uninterrupted time she needs to do her job, and the kids will have her undivided attention at other established times.
“Mom,” Drew says, “it’s time for you to quit work now so we can go to the store.” Fran realizes that Drew is right—that is on their schedule, so she leaves her dining room office, and they pile in the car for some needed shopping, and of course, supper at their favorite chicken restaurant. The kids see this new arrangement as a big plus, and Fran realizes she got so much more done today because they stayed with the program.
This episode of Fran and Jesus on the Job is just a reminder that even in these unchartered waters, Jesus is right there with us, and while it’s all new to us, it’s not to Jesus. If you find yourself a bit more frustrated than usual, give yourself some grace. Pray about it and with God’s help do all you can to not take your frustrations out on others. But if you don’t succeed every time, confess it and then let it go. When you give yourself some grace, I believe it makes you more aware and willing to give grace to others. We need grace upon grace to help each other through these times.