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PROGRAM D-8493
One of the important lessons we all need to learn is not to be fooled by the exterior that people put on. Fran is renewing a friendship with Elinor, who is a teacher and married to Rick. Elinor looks like she has the perfect set-up to Fran, but at dinner Elinor pours out her problems.
Rick had encouraged Elinor to go back to teaching to help with added expenses. And Elinor really enjoys teaching. But she expected Rick to be willing to carry his share of home responsibilities, only to discover that he didn’t see it that way.
“You say you fight a lot about this, Elinor, but do you ever have some non-emotional discussions about it?” Fran asks.
“Oh, I’ve tried a hundred times, Fran, but as soon as I start, Rick gets angry. ‘There you go again, griping and complaining all the time,’ he says. And from that point on it’s emotional,” Elinor explains.
What do I say to her, Jesus, Fran sends up a silent prayer.
She says, “Elinor, I have an idea. Why don’t you draw up some responsibility charts for you, the kids and Rick. Then have a family conference, explain that things have to change since you’re teaching again and everybody has to carry their share. Show them your suggestions for sharing responsibilities, and see what happens. I did that with the kids when I started to work, and posted the charts on the kitchen bulletin board. It seemed to make a difference for us; maybe it’ll help you.”
“You mean, put it all down in writing? Who takes out the trash, washes dishes, vacuums, does the laundry, etc.?” Elinor asks.
“Yeah, that seems to make it a lot clearer to everybody that this is just a logical and fair way of sharing the workload. When I did that it changed it from Mom begging for help and nagging them all the time to everybody carrying their load and doing their own chores,” Fran explains.
“I guess I have turned into a bit of a nag, Fran. You know, I wasn’t that way before going back to teaching. But I’m tired a lot and I just need a little help,” Elinor says.
“I know exactly how you feel, but the nagging tone and words just make things worse. Why don’t you give this a try? Can’t hurt,” Fran encourages Elinor.
