Part I
Did you realize that self-control is the only hyphenated self word in the Bible? You’ll find it in Galatians 5:23, where self-control is listed as a fruit of the Spirit. It is one of the evidences that a person is Spirit-controlled. Therefore, lack of self-control would be evidence that a person is not Spirit-controlled. And honestly, when I decided to talk about this , I realized that the topic is not terribly inviting. It just speaks of denying ourselves and our desires, and that is not very inspirational. But I know that in my life, it is only when self is under control that I can be effective in my spiritual journey. So, I think we need to focus on it—I hope you agree!
Let’s begin by asking: What does it mean to be self-controlled? It means that your self—the selfish, self-centered, prideful “you” who resides in all of us—needs to be controlled. Paul describes it well in the same fifth chapter of Galatians:
“For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.”
When that sinful nature wins the battle over the Spirit of God, it is evidence that we are not self-controlled; self is out of control and we’re not able to do what we should do. But, when you and I, as believers born from above, are controlled by the Spirit who is within us, then self doesn’t reign on the thrones of our lives and we are able to do what the Spirit wants us to do.
I don’t have the power in myself to do that, but as a child of God, I have the power of Christ within me. It is my responsibility to allow his Spirit to control me, and when I am controlled by the Spirit of God, then my self is controlled, and thus I am self-controlled.
How can we know when our self is out of control? Here are some evidences:
1. Self is out of control when we talk about ourselves more than anyone else. When was the last time that you thought someone else’s problem was more important than yours? Do you listen with a compassionate heart to other’s needs? Do you respond to cries for help? Or are you so self-preoccupied that you only think of yourself and your own needs?
Here’s a good experiment to indicate if your “self” is out of control in this area. Listen to yourself talk for a few days. Consciously make an effort to estimate how much you talk about yourself versus how much you focus on others and their needs. Become sensitive to your tendency to always turn every conversation toward you, and see how often it happens. If it happens a lot, it’s a good indication of self being out of control.
Recently a woman called me to talk about a problem she was having, presumably to seek some advice. I listened and listened, waiting for her to come up for air, and was able occasionally to give her a little input. But I realized afterward that it was not so much that she wanted some advice as she just wanted to talk about herself.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with having someone to talk to about your problems; we all need to do that once in awhile. But frequently talking about yourself to others can make people not want to be around you. It can do damage to relationships. It is evidence that your thinking is self-focused, because we talk about what we think about. And self-focused people are usually pretty miserable people.
This is an area we all struggle with. I know how easy it is for me to talk about myself. When someone starts telling me about their experience or their problem, my tendency is to immediately want to talk about my own experiences or problems. Self is out of control when we talk about ourselves too much. Check it out.
2. Self is out of control when our tongue is out of control. Are your words often fast, impulsive, angry, thoughtless? Are you wounding people with words a lot? Do you gripe and complain all the time?
Some years ago I met a young woman in one of my business seminars who I discovered was a Christian. We began to share a little about ourselves, as people do when first meeting. She told me about her job and her church, but what I heard was a stream of complaining and condemnation.
The church wasn’t doing their job; nobody ever offered to help her. She was single and felt they should offer her special help. There were no programs at her church for single women. They never called her on the prayer chain. But, she said, I know God wants me at this church. Then she told me about her new job and how they asked her to do too much, and they weren’t considerate of her. She had told her boss what she would do and what she wouldn’t do, and wasn’t going to let anyone take advantage of her. But she went on to tell me that she had been laid off from another job just a month before and found this new job in three days. That, as we all recognize, is a major miracle in this economy, and she commented how good the Lord was to give her a new job so fast.
As she walked away, I just shook my head. “What’s wrong with this picture?” I said to the Lord. I couldn’t get her off my mind. I prayed for her. But I kept asking, “What’s wrong with this picture?” She did indicate she loved Jesus and prayed and was thankful for God’s provision in her life, but that was surrounded with complaining and griping and dissatisfaction and criticism and self-pity.
Then it dawned on me: James 3:10: “Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing…” And, as James goes on to say, “This should not be.” When praise and cursing come out of the same mouth, it just isn’t right; something’s wrong!
And of course I immediately realized that I’m guilty of the same thing sometimes. Blessing and praising God one minute, complaining, worrying and criticizing the next. Can you relate to that? But, James says if we can learn to control our words, we can keep our entire personalities in check. Everything about us is affected by our tongues: our relationships, our performance, our attitudes. That is the power which resides in this little thing called a tongue.
In James 3 we are told that if we can control our tongue, we can control our whole body, our entire personality. Exercising self-control is very closely related to controlling our tongues. You can’t have one without the other, as they say!
3. Another evidence that self is out of control is when there are some obvious personality flaws, some rough edges that never seem to get polished. Do you often say, “Well, that’s just the way I am” as a means of excusing something that needs to be changed about you? Do you let yourself off the hook by claiming “it runs in the family,” or “nobody’s perfect”?
What are some common personality flaws? Procrastination—putting things off to the last minute. Laziness—just plain not willing to work hard. Trying to be in control and run the show all the time. Not listening to other people. Being very judgmental of others; criticizing a lot. Those are just a few that come to mind. Do you know where your personality needs some polishing? You should. Remember, Jesus doesn’t want you to change your personality; he wants you to become more like him and then he can use your personality strengths.
4. We can tell that our self is out of control by how we feel when others have something we need or want. Are you envious a lot? Do you rejoice when someone else is successful, or do you resent it and secretly wish they would fall on their face? Envy and jealousy are clear evidences that self is out of control.
I think one of the best signs that we are Spirit controlled is when we are truly happy and excited over the success of others without feeling envious or cheated. The Bible says we are to rejoice when others rejoice and weep when others weep, but you know, most of us find it easier to weep with others than to rejoice with them. That old jealous bug bites us and we may avoid the person who has had some success or good news because we don’t want to have to see them happy and enjoying their blessings. If that happens to you, you know that self is out of control at that point.
5. Are you struggling with some addictions? Eat too much? Watch too much television or addicted to some other form of entertainment? Do you find yourself addicted to escape hatches, like reading romantic novels or surfing the internet all the time so you can live in another world? Or maybe you’re a news addict; you read all the magazines and watch all the news stories. Anything to excess can become addictive. A person who has an addiction is not a self-controlled person.
These are just some of the signs that self is out of control. Undoubtedly we all recognize that our self is out of control in some area. Proverbs 25:28 says, “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.” In Bible times cities had to have walls to protect them from enemies. Think of what would happen to a city whose walls were broken down. Anything and anybody could get in, to plunder, to kill, to destroy. And so it is with us when we lack self-control. We open ourselves up to destruction.
Look at your own life right now and ask yourself where your walls are broken down because of your unwillingness or your inability to exercise self-control. Even if the walls are only broken in one spot, the enemy will find that spot, wherever it is, and he will invade you and try to destroy you at that point.
Maybe it’s something you’ve been battling for a long time. I can think of some areas where I lack self-control and I’ve been praying about them for years. There have been times of great victory in those areas, but I’m still vulnerable and can easily lose control of self. They are my weak areas.
Do you know what your weak areas are? You should. Pray and ask God to make you aware of them. The Psalmist prayed, “Show me my hidden errors,” and that’s a good prayer for all of us. Ask God to show you clearly where your walls break down and the enemy climbs in to plunder and steal your joy, your testimony, your victory in Jesus.
That’s where we have to begin if we’re going to learn to exercise self-control. It’s very easy for our enemy to get in when we don’t even realize the walls are broken down. Do a wall inspection; make a list; ask God to give you clearer vision of where you need to bring self under control.
Read Galatians 5 every day for a week and pray much about this issue.
