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PROGRAM D-8141
I read something which really caught my attention: If you can control the controllable, you can cope with the uncontrollable. Don’t you think we often spend a lot of time and energy fretting about things that are beyond our control?
Let me suggest some of those uncontrollable things that can really hang us up:
The weather: This is one of the most common uncontrollable things in our lives—and it’s universal. How much of our time and energy is often wasted on complaining about the weather—wishing it were different, hoping it will be good, or depressed because it’s lousy?
People: For most of us, the most difficult uncontrollables in our lives are people.
You may be married to someone whom you are not able to control. Perhaps you’re desperately trying to save your marriage, but you cannot control the actions of your marriage partner.
How many of you have children you cannot control? As tough as the terrible two’s can be, at least at two-years old, you can pick that child up and control his or her actions through physical restraint, if nothing else. But as they grow older, you realize how helpless you are to control the behavior of your children. Some of you have children who are now drug-dependent, alcoholics, living in sin, or walking away from their Christian upbringing. You can talk, you can cry, you can even pray earnestly, but you cannot, by yourself, control that child who now has the freedom to behave as he or she pleases.
How many times have you said something like the following: “If my boss would just be more organized!” “If my manager would just communicate better!” “If only I didn’t have to work for such a tyrant!” You’ve got a boss you’d change in a minute if you could, but you cannot control your boss—right?
The same is true for your co-workers. A close friend of mine worked for over two years with a woman that was pretty close to intolerable. Believe me, if my friend could have changed her, she would have. However, she learned to accept the fact that she could never control that person’s behavior.
Whom are the people in your life you would like to control, but can’t? How much emotional energy have you wasted trying to control those uncontrollable people?
However, the one thing you can control are your reactions to those people—the words you speak and your attitudes toward them. If you will focus on controlling what you can control, you will be much better able to cope with what you cannot control.