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PROGRAM D-6987

Constructive confrontation—does that sound like an oxymoron to you? I want to assure you that confrontation can indeed be very constructive when it is done for the right reasons, at the right time, and in the right way.

Remember when the children of Israel were held captive as slaves in Egypt?  The Lord said to Moses, “Get up early in the morning and confront Pharaoh. . . and say to him, ‘This is what the Lord says: Let my people go, so that they may worship me” (Ex. 8:20). 

Moses was sent on a mission of confrontation by the Lord. Unfortunately Pharaoh chose not to take heed to Moses’ warning, and he suffered immense harm and eventual death as a result.  But God kept sending Moses to confront Pharaoh in order that these disasters could be avoided.  That was the purpose of the confrontations; it was a very constructive and appropriate action to take.

Can you think of a person or a situation in your life right now that needs some constructive confrontation?  How can you tell if it is constructive or not?  Well, consider these questions: 

  • If the confrontation were successfully completed, would the person you are confronting benefit from it?
  • Does this situation/person really require confrontation, or do you need an attitude change or more patience?
  • Is your desire to confront imbedded in a desire to get even, or is it wrapped up in anger and vengeance?

James wrote:  “What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You want something but don’t get it.  You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want.  You quarrel and fight” (James 4:1-2).  So, anytime the turmoil inside of us is simply our own selfish unfulfilled desires or covetousness or anger, obviously we are the one who needs confronting and changing, first and foremost. 

So, as you think about the person or situation in your life that needs confrontation, search your heart in prayer before the Lord, read this passage from James 4, and make certain your motives are in line with God’s word.  Otherwise you will be confronting in the power of the flesh for the wrong reasons, and I can assure you that will fail miserably.

My guess is, however, that there are many of you who truly need to confront a person and you’ve been avoiding it.