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PROGRAM D-7342
There are two sides of hurt: When we hurt others and when they hurt us. Often in the relationships of our lives we may be in the seat of the offender. We intentionally hurt others, because they have hurt us.
But I think it is often true that when we do offend someone, it is unintentional. We don’t stop to realize how words and attitudes and body language and facial expressions—and all kinds of little things—can become offensive. We truly underestimate how easily we can cause hurt. Aren’t you usually shocked when you find out that someone is offended with something you said or did?
I was shocked some time ago when a person I counted as a good friend began to strike out at me, to say hurtful things to me. I just couldn’t figure out why she would do that; I had no idea that she had been offended by me. I certainly never intended to offend her. But as we began to talk and I listened between her lines, I realized that through carelessness and lack of appreciation on my part and lack of paying her some attention, she was carrying around a hurt spirit toward me, and that displayed itself in hurtful ways.
I had been sitting in the seat of the offender, and I was truly sorry to realize it. With some very small and simple changes on my part, the problem went away immediately and there was complete healing in the relationship.
We can cause hurt and offense much more easily than we ever realize. We assume that because we don’t intend to offend, then we haven’t offended. But that is just not the way it is. So, how do we know when we’ve offended someone unintentionally?
Well, the first thing is to pray that God will make you sensitive so that you are more aware of when you are sitting in the seat of the offender. Then watch your words. Most offense is caused by carelessly chosen words, so pray much that God will guard your words and make them words of life, not death.
When you see a change in a relationship—a change for the worse—don’t just let it go on that way. Find out why; be willing to make the first step toward repairing the relationship. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” So, make the first move to find out what’s wrong, and if you need to, apologize and get yourself out of that seat of the offender.