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As disciples of Jesus Christ, he is our role model for every situation in our lives. The more you learn about Jesus, the more you will be amazed to see how he dealt with people and how he handled difficult situations. I encourage you to read a chapter in one of the Gospels every day. Just start in Matthew, go through John, and then start over again. I promise you’ll learn something new about Jesus every time you read the Gospels.
One good way to read the Gospels is to put yourself in the picture; imagine that you are there, one of the disciples, or maybe you’re hearing Jesus for the first time. It will give you new insights into this God-man—a man like no other who ever lived. Yet, he was a man who was touched with the feelings of our infirmities because he chose to take on humanity and spend thirty-three years on this earth.
Today we want to see how Jesus dealt with people who were misfits, people who were different. We can learn a lot from him, because for sure we have those kinds of people in our worlds, too.
Who are the people where you work or where you live that most people have nothing to do with? In most situations, there are people who are not part of the in-group. You know, they look different or dress oddly. They talk a little strangely; maybe they don’t smell as good as they should. Or they’re not as educated as others. Maybe they’re just not important people. They are often avoided or left out. They are people on the margins.
Make time for people on the margins.
Jesus always had time for people that others ignored or rejected. He was continually thrown into contact with social outcasts, from lepers to beggars to sinners to demon-possessed people. In fact, he invited those kinds of encounters.
And the religious leaders of his day never could figure him out. They were careful not to associate with these undesirables. How could this man intentionally surround himself with those who were unlovely, unattractive, unappealing? It didn’t make sense to them.
Yet Jesus, by associating with those rejected by others, was able to heal them, help them, make them feel special, and give them hope. This is a good lesson for us to learn from our Master as we think about how we treat people. We should go out of our way to associate with those who are on the outside looking in.
Can you think of someone right now who would fit that description? They may be a coworker or a member of your church or a participant in your Bible study or a neighbor. Why don’t you write that person’s name down, purpose in your heart to pray for that person, and then find ways to associate with him or her, to reach out and bring that person within your circle of friends. You may be amazed at what God wants to do for that person through you and what it will do for you to learn this important people skill.
I think of a woman I know who would probably fit that “misfit” description. At first meeting you would probably think she was not as bright as others, or certainly was socially backward. But I’ve known her for years and discovered that she is very smart. She held a job for thirty years before retiring, and she has taught herself to use a computer, she takes classes at our church and other classes offered at libraries and such. She is truly delightful, but many would describe her as a social misfit.
It’s always good to remind ourselves that God loves us all the same. He is no respecter of people, and each of us is of equal importance to him. When we look at people through his eyes, we’ll see that we all are on the same level.
Break down walls that exist.
Have you ever met someone or dealt with someone who just immediately put-up walls and barriers between you and them? Perhaps they were cold, defensive, withdrawn, or angry. But for whatever reason, the walls were up, and they weren’t going to let anyone bring them down.
Jesus was masterful at breaking down walls, and I think the best example is how he dealt with the woman at the well, the Samaritan woman he just “happened to meet” on his journey. Let’s analyze how Jesus dealt with the woman at the well:
John 4:4-7
Now Jesus had to go through Samaria. So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noontime.
When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?”
He asked her for something. This woman was a stranger; she would naturally be skeptical of him because he was a man and he was Jewish. So, to break down the barriers between them, Jesus begins with a request.
How do you think she would have responded if he had said: “I’m very thirsty and I need some water. Give me some water.” It’s always better to ask than tell, even if you have the power to tell. People respond better to requests than demands.
The Samaritan woman said to him: You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water (John 4:9-10).
Jesus responded with an answer that created curiosity on her part. He wanted to start a conversation and get her engaged. So, he talked about something with which she was very familiar—water—and he caused her to ask him questions.
How do you think she would have responded if he had said: “Yes, I am a Jew, and you are a Samaritan. Obviously, you know that the Jews are the true people of God. Samaritans are half-breeds. And you should understand that your theology is all mixed up about the afterlife and where you should worship. I would like to tell you the truth. By the way, I am the Messiah of God, the promised one.” No doubt she would have had a totally different response. But listen to how she responded to him:
“Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?”
Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:11-14).
Notice that Jesus did not take her bait. At this point she is still very suspicious of him and ready to fight. But Jesus avoids her argumentative question and keeps talking about this living water.
Suppose he had said: “Yes, indeed I am greater than Jacob. As I told you, I am the Messiah. Can’t you understand me? Before Jacob was, I am.” That was the truth, but she wasn’t ready for the truth yet, and Jesus knew how to respond to her to keep her engaged and asking questions.
The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”
“I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” (John 4:15-18).
It’s time for getting things out in the open and addressing her deep-seated problems. Up to this point she has side-stepped her real heart issue, but Jesus has gently led her along to a point where the problem comes out from her own mouth.
Suppose he had said: “Listen, lady, you’ve got a lot of problems in your life. You’ve been married five times and that guy you’re living with now is not your husband. You’re an immoral woman and you need to get your life cleaned up.” That kind of confrontation would have chased her away, but instead in a most gentle way, he leads her to speak the truth.
“Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”
Jesus declared, “Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.”
The woman said, “I know that Messiah is coming. When he comes he will explain everything to us.” Then Jesus declared, “I who speak to you am he.” (John 4:19-26).
The woman is uncomfortable, so she tries to change the subject and talk about a theological point of difference. Jesus confronts her with the truth about worship and salvation, and she once again tries to side-step: “When the Messiah comes, he’ll straighten all this out,” she says. And then for the first recorded time, Jesus reveals that he is the Messiah.
Notice that Jesus is direct when he needs to be. Truth should never be compromised for relationships. Yet when he speaks the truth, he does it for her good, because truth will set her free, not to prove his point or lord it over her that her theology is incorrect.
Look at the principles we can learn from Jesus in dealing with people from his encounter with this woman:
- Asking is better than telling. People like to be asked. It’s a good way to open a conversation and start building a relationship.
- It’s always good to find mutual ground to start a conversation. Talk about something you have in common.
- Always avoid arguments. Differences of opinion or ideas can certainly be discussed, but arguments do not improve communication. They just create more rigid positions, which make it more difficult for people to see the truth.
- Don’t try to impress people with who you are or what you’ve done. Let them discover that for themselves.
- When it’s necessary to confront, do so as gently as possible. If you can help someone uncover their own problem, it’s better than telling them what you see that is wrong with them.
I encourage you to learn from Jesus; get to know him better and better through Scripture. He is the perfect communicator, and when we communicate more and more like Jesus, we are able to connect with people in more meaningful ways.