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Presented by Lisa Bishop
We were never meant to do this life alone. We need to be supportive and receive the support of community.
I was reminded of this the other day as I was walking along the lake in Chicago. It was beautiful outside. The sun was shining, there was a cool breeze and the rays of light were bouncing off the blue water. As I was taking in the scenery, I caught a glimpse of a mother duck and her ducklings. It was the cutest thing to see about 10 baby ducks bobbing up and down in the waves, furiously wiggling and flapping their little feet to keep up.
At first, I noticed the ducklings were in an ununiformed cluster behind their mom, easily being tossed around by the ripples in the water. If the smallest waves came, they would easily drift away from the group. And then, I saw something fascinating. Within a few minutes the ducklings were making every effort to form a line.
It reminded me of the proverbial picture of getting your ducks in a row. It took a lot of paddling, determination, and effort but low and behold, when the baby ducks finally formed a line, their journey seemed a bit smoother.
It turns out that when a duckling swims on its own, it kicks up waves in its wake, using up energy that would otherwise send it surging ahead. That wave drag resists the duckling’s motion so it stays stagnant; and if they fall out of position, swimming gets even harder. But when they form a line instead of swimming alone, they experience 158 percent less wave drags which means the duckling gets a boost.
Swimming in a collective and unified manner isn’t just beneficial for baby ducks, we all need the boost that “paddling together,” forming connection, brings.
Because you were never meant to swim alone.
You are created for companionship and connection. We know this, yet sometimes we can fall into the trap of isolation and forget that building and being in community is vital to thriving in life and faith. So, I want to talk about the discipline of community.
It sounds kind of weird to think of community in those terms, but if you think about it, creating and participating in community, well, it takes hard work and it takes discipline.
One way I have heard discipline defined is, “Training used to establish desired habits and expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.”
When you practice discipline, you are acknowledging that something can be difficult to create, attain, and sustain. That it takes effort, intentionality, consistency, and commitment over the long haul. Building a healthy community is an investment; it takes time, it is not always easy, but in the end it’s worth it.
I think these days we are more and more prone to the idea of self-sufficiency and we neglect the impact of community. We think that we can experience life alone, go through struggles alone, and even follow Jesus alone. But that is not how God designed you, it’s not how he designed me or anyone else for that matter. If you think about it, Jesus didn’t live alone. He had a close circle of three; Peter, James, and John. And we know that he also had the twelve disciples and others that were his faithful companions. They formed circles of intimacy with one another, and you and I need the same.
No matter how you’re wired—whether you are an introvert, extrovert, find it easy to socialize and engage in conversation or you tend towards social anxiety—something in your soul longs for meaningful relationships with other humans. We long to know others and be known by them. We treasure friendships that allow us to truly “be ourselves.” All of us long for a deep, authentic community. It’s hard-wired in you because God created you in his image, he created you for community. And the basis of community is found in the Trinity.
The Trinity shows us that God himself is community. Before God created Adam and Eve, before any sort of human community existed, there was God in perfect loving harmony in his threefold being; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And we also see that in Genesis 2:18, “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” While this verse shows us the relationship between husband and wife it communicates a larger narrative and that picture is the priority that God places on companionship.
You may be familiar with the passage in Acts 2:42 that gives a very important picture of Christian community. “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.”
Christian fellowship is a key aspect of the Christian life. Believers in Christ are to come together in love, faith, and encouragement.
This word “devoted” means, “to be steadfastly attentive and give persistent care to. To persevere and not to faint. To show one’s self courageous for.” If we’re honest, sometimes community makes us want to faint! It takes courage. We forgo community because we think it requires too much effort or we don’t believe that community should require hard work, persistence, and intentionality. But it does. Any relationship worth having will take dedication. I know you may have been let down, disappointed, have felt dismissed or even rejected by people in the past. But do not let that deter you from one of life’s greatest blessings and one of your greatest callings…. To contribute to and be a part of a body of believers doing life together.
In his book, Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer says, “The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community.”
Sometimes you and I have this fantasy version of community and when that gets disrupted, we pick up our toys and go home. We withdraw from others. You can tend to forget that hardships, hurts, and conflicts are part of relationships and that in your own humanness you will offend and hurt others too. And that is why community requires discipline. Disciplining yourself to keep leaning in and showing up when you would rather run and hide; loving people even when it’s messy….being loved even when you’re messy. It takes determination, it takes love.
Today I was reading 1 Corinthians 13 which has the very familiar passage on love. It’s a popular passage people pick to read at weddings, but it is not meant exclusively for a relationship between husband and wife. These verses are instructions for you and me on how we are to love. We hear them but do we practice them? You have heard them so many times you may just gloss over them but read these verses as if you are reading them for the first time and invite the Holy Spirit to highlight what he wants you to let in and penetrate your mind and heart.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
Patience. Kindness. Persistence. Hope. Endurance. This is a tall order. A friend of mine, Jason, talks about the difference between having community and creating community and I think it’s pretty insightful. He says, “Life isn’t about having community, it’s about being able to create community. Having community is passive. You have friends when you’re younger and essentially have nothing else to do, and the whole world seems designed for you to meet new people. But then you get a little older, then friends move away or get married or have kids or maybe even die. Or maybe you move away or get married or have kids. Either way, as people age, their community grows smaller and smaller. Never lose the ability to create new friends. Learn how to create a community where you can bring out the best in each other.”
Learn to contribute to a community that truly loves one another.
Now I know this is easier said than done and that again is why community is a discipline. “Training used to establish desired habits.”
As Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
If you find yourself in the habit of doing life solo, heed the words of Hebrews.
Another passage that shows the importance of community is Ecclesiastes 4:9-12: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
In his pursuit of wisdom and learning, Solomon discovers that few things in life hold more value or enduring satisfaction than true friendship. He reflects on the importance of companionship and the benefits of people working together. Solomon agrees with God that “it is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18a).
Sometimes you fall down physically and need help getting up, but Solomon’s words have even greater emotional and spiritual implications. When you stumble in your spiritual walk or are weighed down with emotional burdens, it’s vital to have a friend or mentor who can come alongside you and help restore you to wholeness in your relationship with God. You need Christian friends for emotional, practical, and spiritual support through life’s hardships. If you nurture relationships with other believers, you will always have someone to help you stay on track and lift you back up when you fall and you will be the same for others. You are God’s child and you are not meant to live in isolation but walk this road with others.
Science even backs up God’s brilliant design for community! There are loads of studies that show the connection between the quantity and quality of your social relationships and your health. Loneliness, social isolation, and lack of social connection negatively impact your physical and mental health and can result in higher rates of depression, poor sleep, hypertension, and heart disease to name a few. When you do not have social networks and support from friends the impact on your overall health can be worse than if you smoke or drink a lot. And, over time a lack of social relationships causes cognitive decline, it impacts your memory and ability to think.
In the last two decades, the number of people who say they don’t have at least one person in their lives that they trust to share their feelings and innermost selves with has increased over three times. We all need someone to confide in, to share our problems with and talk about our private matters. Your life depends on connection and community, literally.
First Peter 5:8b warns that “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” You are way more vulnerable to the schemes of the enemy when you are not in community. And it’s only when we are in close proximity to each other’s lives and not living behind a screen that you experience true connection.
Building community requires intentionality. It also requires forgiveness and self-forgetfulness. Not focusing on what you can get from community but what you can give. And you have a whole lot to give. You are needed and wanted. Not everyone will be your jam and you will not be theirs but there are people who would love the opportunity to be in friendship with you.
If you are currently finding yourself living in isolation, ask God to help you have the courage to step out, to participate in-person at church, in serving, in social activities. Silence any lies the enemy is using to hold you back from being connected. And, if you are already a part of a faithful community, who is on the fringes that can you invite into your friend group? Always be on the lookout for people that you can share the gift of connection with.
And keep in mind that community takes discipline.