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(as presented by Lisa Bishop)
What is your relationship with conflict? Do you love a good conflict or do you run from it and try to avoid it? Addressing conflict is another act of courage.
Conflict. Just the word can make the hair go up on the back of your neck, your body tense, your heart race, or send that warm nervous sensation throughout your body. I think we have all seen or experienced all too often times where conflict has gone wrong, and we don’t know how to properly lean into hard situations so we try to avoid them, or so we think. The truth is, we can really never avoid conflict. Avoidance does not make a difficult situation go away.
Just the other day I needed to address a concern with a coworker. She had dropped the ball on something and it reflected poorly on our team. It took courage to initiate the conversation rather than just stew on it or tell others about my frustration.
Instead of going in with guns blazing or with an accusatory or critical spirit, I approached the situation with kindness, humility, and curiosity. I told her what I observed and how that impacted the team. She graciously owned her mistake and then we talked about how to mitigate the same mistake moving forward. I then asked her how I could be of help and support her. I wanted her to know that I was for her. She actually ended up thanking me for the conversation. Now I realize that not everyone will react the way my co-worker did; some will act defensively. But I am, you are, ultimately, responsible for how you approach and respond in situations. We cannot be responsible for other’s responses.
When we approach conflict with biblical wisdom and a Christ-like attitude of heart, leaning into a tough situation can actually be an opportunity to strengthen and deepen relationships.
Proverbs 3:3 says “Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man.” Both kindness and truth are important. Proverbs 15:1 says “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” A gentle answer, a kind approach, is one that shows respect and comes from a humble heart.
Speak gently instead of coming out with a critical spirit and biting word. Keep your voice calm, your words sweet, and your attitude humble. Get your heart right before the Lord and ask him to give you courage and a kind spirit in conflict.