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What is the best gift you ever received?
I love gifts, especially the ones I know were specifically curated just for me! Like, the person giving me the gift saw it and it had my name on it. Have you ever received a gift that made you feel known, special, loved?
One of my favorite gifts is from my friend Audra. She is the best gift giver. In fact her gift giving game is so strong it puts mine to shame! Last Christmas I unwrapped a package that came in the mail, (the fact that I had something to open other than junk mail was in itself exciting). It was a beautiful navy blue journal with a gold coil and gold foiled lettering. The writing on the front cover was a prayer that read: “Lord, I give you this day. I pray for productivity and patience, creativity and kindness. Thank You for the gifts You have blessed me with. I ask that you would give me wisdom to use them to their fullest. I pray that these efforts would be a testament to Your goodness and that all the glory would be Yours.”
I wanted you to hear what was engraved on the cover of the journal because those words, that gift, made me feel seen and known. If you know me, as my dear friend of 20 years does, you would know that the words on the cover of that journal would speak to my heart. That gift made me feel loved.
As we continue in this month’s theme of love, let’s take a look at what 1 Corinthians 13 instructs us on this powerful gift. The gift of love that we have received by faith in Jesus Christ and that we get to give generously to others.
These verses may be familiar to you and we usually hear them spoken at weddings. Yet they aren’t just reserved to be lived out between husband and wife, they are meant to speak to the heart condition and be the overflow of every follower of Jesus.
Just prior to chapter 13 of first Corinthians, the Apostle Paul has just spent the previous chapter talking about the different gifts that The Holy Spirit gives to every believer. Paul says that while receiving and utilizing these spiritual gifts for the benefit of others is to be desired, the best way to live and benefit others is with love. Even when compared to all of the other spiritual gifts, love is the most important thing. Or as Paul says—the most excellent way.
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1Corinthians 13:1-8)
Those words are so rich with truth. We see that Paul is making some pretty clear call outs on how love does and doesn’t act. Paul is calling us up to who we are in Christ and reminding us to love like Jesus.
You and I could speak with tongues of angels but if we are not being love to those around us we are like a resounding gong or clanging symbol. I have to say, I have sounded like a noisy gong and clanging symbol all too many times when my words and actions have lacked love. Can you relate?
It’s not just our actions that show love. You can do all of the right things but if your attitude, if our disposition and words are not soaked in and dispensing love it’s worthless. Love is not just about doing the right thing, it’s about being the most excellent thing. Now who does not want to be loved like that!
And the love Paul references here is not a romantic, mushy or sexual love, it’s not even just a brotherly love. Love here is from the Greek word agape which is a love that involves faithfulness, commitment, and an act of the will. It is a love that springs from a strong character and is empowered by the Holy Spirit. It is a love that comes from intimacy with God, spending time in his Word and at the feet of Jesus. It is what flows from us when WE live as a loved, redeemed, forgiven, and set free child of God. When we live fully loved by Jesus, our lives will overflow his love into others.
These verses really are the most eloquent and profound words written on love. On love’s selfless characteristics and how love ACTS. A love that loves even when rejected. A love that gives because it chooses to without exacting repayment.
And as 1 John 4:19 says; We love because he first loved us.
Jesus is love. He loves us generously, and as his followers, our lives are meant to embody and reflect this love to everyone around us. Whether they are fellow believers, those we find hard to love or someone we might experience as annoying or even consider our enemy. This is a tall order. Agape love as modeled by Christ is not based on a feeling; rather, it is a joyful resolve, a choice, a conscious decision and intention. Agape love does not come naturally to us but by the power of the Holy Spirit that is at work in us. It is a choice we must make—over and over.
Before we look at how love loves, let’s first start with how love does not act:
Love does not envy. Envy is the desire to have another person’s talents, position, possessions, or achievements. If you have spent any amount of time on Facebook or Instagram, you know that they can be lures for envy. Maybe you are single and you see beautiful wedding pictures and your heart experiences a twinge of envy, or you desire to be a mom and see photos of a newborn baby, family photos where everyone is dressed perfectly with curated clothing and smiles. Maybe a friend received a job promotion or got engaged and it’s really hard for you to be happy with them because envy has a foothold.
We look at another person’s photo worthy life and we can start to experience discontentment for our own. Envy can put a wedge in our relationships. Envy is the gateway to evil. We see this in the story of Cain and Able in Genesis where envy led to actual murder. Be mindful of envy in your heart. It doesn’t produce righteousness. When you experience envy, tell God. Talk to him. He wants you to come to him when your heart is struggling. Ask God to help you be happy for that person and cheer them on. I know that may sound weird but it works.
Love does not boast. It doesn’t brag or display excessive self-admiration. It doesn’t say “look at me.”
Love is not proud. It doesn’t have a puffed up or inflated opinion of itself.
Love does not dishonor others. When we love—we don’t treat people with disrespect. We don’t dishonor people by talking poorly about them, or gossiping about them, marring their reputation. This includes people we completely disagree with. I have seen way too many times how people are dishonoring one another. Just look at what people write in the reply section on Facebook. It’s embarrassing as a follower of Jesus to see such hateful and disrespectful words flung back and forth. Listen, you don’t have to agree with someone to honor them. We can have a completely polar opposite opinion and still act with godly character—with love.
Love is not self-seeking. Or as another version says, love does not demand its own way. Is there a relationship in your life right now where you might be demanding your way? Insisting on our way and an I’m right, you’re wrong “attitude” is devastating to a relationship. It erodes connection and intimacy.
Love takes into consideration the needs, desires and thoughts of others and is genuinely interested in, values, and honors those around them. And love isn’t so insecure that it needs to take all the credit for something. It stands back and let’s other people shine.
Love is not easily angered. It does not have a short fuse or fly off the handle or have angry outbursts. Or if your flavor of expressing anger is silence and withholding, love isn’t that either. Other versions say that love is not easily provoked, overly sensitive, irritable, or easily offended.
Love cannot alter the fact that someone may do or say something you don’t agree with or like …or do something that gets on your nerves, but love alters your response.
You can be angry or irritated but have a love response. Which, by the way, I did not do well with mom the other day. My response in my irritation was not loving and my ego didn’t want to apologize but thank the good Lord, I finally did. I just want you to know that as I talk about these love qualities, I am a work in progress with you.
Love keeps no record of wrongs. In other words, love keeps short accounts, it has amnesia. It doesn’t take notice of everything that rubs you the wrong way or that people do wrong and hold it against you. Love doesn’t cancel people when there is a misstep. It doesn’t hold people’s sin above their heads in judgement. Love is quick to forgive another’s misgivings; love restores.
When you feel hurt or offended, or someone doesn’t agree with you on something, do you notice that your response is to withhold, withdraw, lash out or perhaps avoid? If so, it may be an indication that there is some heart work for you to do. If you find yourself holding something against another person, it may be a sign that there’s some forgiving to do. Ask Jesus to search your heart and help you.
Love does not rejoice in evil or wrongdoing. It does not take pleasure in the misfortunes or failure of others, but rejoices with the truth. True love rejoices in what is right and good, in the truth of the gospel and the spiritual triumph of others. We celebrate when truth prevails in someone’s life.
Which of the “love don’ts” do you struggle with?
Do you have a tendency towards envy? Boasting or acting prideful? Dishonoring others with your words and actions? Do you demand your own way or demand that you are right and make others wrong? Do you get angry easily? Hold things against people and refuse to forgive? Secretly take pleasure in the misfortunes of others? You are not alone. We all violate God’s call to be love. Take some time with Jesus and ask him to shine a light on the unloving parts of you. Ask him to flood your heart with his love so that you pour out his love to your spouse, co-worker, friend, neighbor, the grocery store clerk, … so that you embody Jesus’s love.
What love does:
Love is patient. It is not short tempered or intolerant. If you feel impatience rising, take a deep breath and count to three (or ten) and ground yourself in Jesus and the Holy Spirit before responding. When we are being love, our words and actions are gracious and kind. Proverbs 16:24 reminds us that nothing is more appealing than speaking beautiful, life-giving words. For they release sweetness to our souls and inner healing to our spirits.
Love is kind. It is friendly, generous, gentle, warm-hearted nature. When I think of warm-hearted I think of the type of greeting I get from my friend’s golden doodle. Oakley exudes love. When we are being kind we give people the experience of being truly loved. We are kind not because we are measuring whether or not someone deserves kindness. Kindness is not earned or measured by worthiness. We heap on kindness because that’s what love is, that’s what Jesus does.
Kindness and patience are also a fruit of the Holy Spirit. Evidence that we are children of God.
Love always protects. It watches out for others.
Love always trusts. It sees the best in others, gives others the benefit of the doubt.
Love always hopes.
Love always perseveres. It does not give up when things are hard.
Love never fails. In other words, love never fails to love.
Agape love is a way of BEING. As we grow in living as a loved child of Jesus we will overflow love to others. As I once heard it said: when we have hurt feelings, will we cooperate with holy instructions and love?
As you are going about your day today, and tomorrow, and through life, in the workplace, your home, your neighborhood, ask yourself, “How am I presencing love in this moment?” And remember to ask Jesus for help. Ask his Holy Spirit to empower you with his love.
