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You may be familiar with this verse from James 1:5: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” God wants us to be wise, and the good news is, he will grant wisdom to us as we recognize our need for it and go to the source of all wisdom, our God.
We also know from Scripture that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. So, we want the wisdom that God imparts, not the world’s fake substitute. So, this is the pre-requisite: Do you fear the Lord? Do you know and respect the one true God through a personal relationship with his Son, Jesus? That’s where God’s eternal wisdom begins. Assuming you do, here are the questions you need to ask yourself often. I believe these questions will help you avoid lots of trouble, keep you from shooting yourself in the foot, as we say, and greatly increase your effectiveness, regardless of where you are or what you’re doing.
Question #1: Do you think before you speak?
How many times have you said something—jumped quickly to give your opinion or your advice or add your two cents—and as soon as you said it, you wished the ground would just swallow you whole?
Proverbs 29:20 puts it so well: “Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them.”
I’ve often said, “I may not be good but I’m fast,” as though it is a good thing to be fast. Well, maybe it is sometimes, but to speak in haste is almost always a bad idea. Note there can be a difference between doing something with haste and doing something in haste. There are times when we do need to act with haste, quickly, for good reasons.
David prays in Psalm 70:1, “Hasten, O God, to save me; come quickly, Lord, to help me.” We often pray for God to act quickly, right? And then later in Psalm 119:60, the Psalmist says, “I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.” That’s the kind of haste we all need. There’s no question we should hasten to obey the Lord with no delay.
But speaking in haste is speaking without giving it proper thought; speaking without thinking of how it could be perceived by someone else. It is speaking foolishly.
Proverbs 12:18: The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
When you choose your words carefully, thoughtfully, not in haste, you can do so much good. Proverbs 18:21 says: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” So, if you want to be wise, ask yourself, “Do I speak words of life or death? Do I think before I speak?”
Question #2: Did you sleep on it?
The simple old adage, Sleep on it, can save you lots of trouble. A wise person takes time for decisions, big and small ones, because the choices and decisions we make on a daily basis set the direction of our lives. Think about decisions that you regret. I can easily bring some recent ones to my own mind, and when I look back on decisions that didn’t turn out so good, it was always because I simply didn’t “sleep on it,” didn’t pray enough about it, didn’t always seek good counsel.
Again, from Proverbs 15:22, we read: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Wise people seek counsel from those they trust. Wise people are able to live with delayed gratification, resisting the impulse to go for the immediate reward, the instant answer. How often do you tell yourself just to sleep on it, talk to somebody you trust, pray lots?
I love this verse from Jeremiah 6:16a: “This is what the Lord says: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.” When you’re at a decision point, especially a fairly significant one, stand at that crossroad, ask for God’s path, the good way. That’s how you make wise decisions that bring soul rest for you.
Question #3: Have you heard both sides?
No doubt you’ve watched some courtroom drama, whether real or in a movie, where the defendant seems totally guilty until the defense gets the chance to present the other side. And what seemed so right before now seems totally wrong.
Proverbs 18:17 talks about that: “In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right, until someone comes forward and cross-examines.” When someone is telling you their side of some story, before you take sides, before you get into gear to take some action, before you affirm that person, find out the other side. Do your own cross-examination and make sure you have the whole truth and nothing but the truth!
There’s a story in 2 Samuel chapter nine about King David who was on the run because of his son Absalom’s rebellion. A man named Ziba approached him; he was the servant of Mephibosheth, who was a crippled man who truly loved King David. But Ziba told David that Mephibosheth stayed behind in Jerusalem to reclaim his grandfather Saul’s kingdom—in other words, to take David’s place—which was a lie. But David believed him and gave Ziba all of Mephibosheth’s possessions.
When David and his men finally returned to Jerusalem, Mephibosheth came to meet the king. Then David learned that Mephibosheth stayed in Jerusalem because Ziba, his servant, refused to saddle his donkey which prevented him from going with the king, because he was crippled and couldn’t saddle it himself. So, when David discovered the other side of the story, he tried to correct his mistake, but there wasn’t much he could do.
Just think of the harm that is so often done because someone acted before they knew the whole story. A wise person asks, “Have I heard both sides?”
Question #4: Are you reacting or responding?
A reaction is usually very emotional and often is full of feelings of revenge or defensiveness. Someone hurts your feelings and you react by trying to hurt them in some way. Someone treats you unfairly and in anger you ventilate your feelings about that person or even to that person. Those are reactions. A response is a delayed reaction, where you wait until your emotions are under control.
Let me give you an example of reacting versus responding. Suppose you have a co-worker and every time she opens her mouth, it seems that bad news comes out. This person never has anything nice to say about anyone or anything, and all day long you are forced to listen to her negative chatter.
What does that person do to you? If you’re in react mode, this person makes you angry, irritated, and frustrated. Having to listen to all that negative talk starts to make you think and talk negatively. That’s a reaction. It’s your automatic involuntary behavior, which is caused by that external stimuli—a negative co-worker.
However, you can decide to respond instead of react. A response might be a smile when she says something negative to you. Or you may say something positive in response to her negative words. That positive response will help to keep you from being irritated and frustrated, and it will offset her negative input by your positive one, which will keep you from getting negative like your co-worker.
Another response to this negative co-worker might be that you simply remove yourself from her company when you can, to avoid being exposed to her negativity. Or perhaps just develop a technique of quietly changing the subject!
Now, you can see that a response takes some self-control and discipline on your part. First, you have to be aware of the fact that you have a tendency to react poorly in this circumstance, and then you must have an alternate strategy to tell you how to respond, so that you aren’t reacting.
Question #5: Are you judging a book by its cover?
We all have a tendency to do this, you know. Someone dresses very differently from the way you dress, someone has tattoos all over their body, someone has a different political view from yours—there are just so many ways that we form hard and fast opinions and ideas about people or about a situation just by the way they look—by what you see on the outside.
How many people in your life are dear friends, and yet they look very different from you? They have different backgrounds, different life experiences, come from different cultures, and yet they are dear people you know and love. If you judged them by their “cover,” you might never have become good friends.
I think of a person in my church, Miss Shirley, who is now with Jesus, who made it her job to stand at the front door every Sunday and welcome everyone. It was her purpose to find a stranger and make that stranger feel welcome. When I first met Miss Shirley, I so wanted to take her to a hair stylist and buy her some new clothes. She did not look like she should be welcoming people at the front door! I judged her by her cover, but I came to know her as one of the most effective people in our church. She was loved by so many, and she welcomed so many people into our church who might otherwise never have connected with us. I wish we had a hundred Miss Shirleys. God used her simple appearance to break down barriers, and she was a powerhouse for the Lord.
So here are the five questions a wise person will ask herself often:
- Do I think before I speak?
- Did I sleep on it?
- Have I heard both sides?
- Am I reacting or responding?
- Am I judging a book by its cover?
Proverbs 3:13 says: “Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding.” No matter who you are, how young or how old, you can find wisdom and you will be blessed. I believe these five questions will help you.