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I began this devotional on broken dreams because I know that all of us have to find our way back from the death of dream at some point in our lives. Well, maybe I should say we all need to find our way back, but sadly, some never do. Some get detoured into bitterness and hopelessness and anger, and then they end up suffering twice: Once from the broken dream and secondly from despair.
If you missed part one, you’ll find a copy on our website – christianworkingwoman.org. I believe you’ll find it helpful. It may be that you know someone who needs some help on his or her journey back from a broken dream, and you can pass it on to that person.
Briefly, in part one, I shared that quite a few years ago I found myself on this road back, struggling with the aftermath of a dead dream, and I kept a journal of those painful days. As I’ve re-read those journal entries, I’ve discovered a pattern of sorts—a series of stages and decisions that we face on this road back from brokenness. Regardless of what your particular broken dream is, I think we all encounter similar roadblocks and detours on the road back. So, I began describing what you can expect.
First, you must let go of the dream and give God control. You have to face the fact that the dream is dead—at least for the time being—and nothing you can do is going to revive it. I found this to be an important first step—to admit that I had failed miserably in making my dream come true. Coming to the end of my rope was the thing that finally convinced me to let go of the controls of my life and allow God to be in charge.
Let me encourage you not to prolong this first step, thinking there’s something more you can do. Don’t be afraid to give God permission to be in charge. Believe it or not, he can do a better job than you have been trying to do. Please, if you haven’t yet, take this first step on the road back: Let go of the dream and give God control.
Secondly, we come face to face with the stark reality that we cannot avoid the pain of a broken dream. We cannot stuff it or ignore it or skip it. We must embrace the pain, accept the suffering that is ours and allow God to use that pain to bring good out of this broken dream.
We talked about those two stages on the road back from brokenness in more detail in part one. Let me continue now, as I share with you from my own experience.
Don’t Give Up!
Sometimes I felt like this journey back was a roller-coaster ride. For example, there were moments when I seemed to have a grip. Early on I wrote:
I want to learn that God is enough. Even if he doesn’t give me what my emotions say I need, I will trust him. I want to learn to love him more than anyone or anything else.
But there were other days when I really wanted to quit. Not long after that encouraging entry, where I seemed to be making progress, I wrote:
In a sense the days get harder. I wonder and worry and fear. The impact of the loss is more obvious. The temptation to call it quits is ever-present. Now, I’m learning to walk by faith. There is nothing good on the horizon. Everything looks bleak. I don’t feel God’s presence.
One of the surprises on this journey back was that I had to make daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes momentary decisions to stay on the road. I can’t begin to count the number of times I came so close to giving up and going back into “control mode.” At various points in many days, I had to reconfirm my initial decision to let go and let God.
My faith was small, but it was growing. The phrase that I heard God say to me in that still small voice inside my head was: “Can’t you trust me?” At each of these subsequent decision points, as I would be ready to quit the fight, that question would ring in my head: “Can’t you trust me?” It was the beginning of learning that the most important thing I can ever do for God is to demonstrate to him that I trust him.
Are you in that place today where you’ve let go of the dream but the pain seems to intensify and you’re ready to quit? God knows and understands, and believe me, he has good plans for you. Don’t give up; don’t lose heart. Run to God for refuge. He will see you through and bring beauty out of your ashes, I promise.
Reaching Out to Others
For me, one of the most important lessons I learned in the grieving and healing process of a shattered dream was that the way to find relief and healing was by giving of myself to others. I began to see how totally self-centered my mind had been while I was pursuing my dream and then as I watched it die. There is a very strong temptation to curl up in the fetal position, close your door, shut everyone out, and throw a major pity party! My mind was consumed with my loss and I could hardly focus on anything or anyone else.
But as I began to spend time in God’s Word and get back into a close relationship with the Lord, my sensitivity to others began to grow. And, really without consciously recognizing it, I began reaching out to help others in various small ways. Then I became involved in some ministries at my church, and one thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was busy with things other than myself.
I see now how crucial that was to my healing and relief from the pain of the death of my dream. If I hadn’t become involved in the lives of others, I wonder where I’d be today.
How about you? Are you in retreat mode right now? Well, you may need a short time for recuperation, but please, don’t spend too much time there because the healing and joy you seek will be found as you get out of yourself and start focusing on others. Often we tend to think that we are only able to help others when we have it all together ourselves. But nothing could be further from the truth. We help others the most when we are able to empathize with them, and what better time to demonstrate true compassion than when you’re wounded yourself.
I can think of people I know who are going through great pain in their personal lives, but in the midst of it, are ministering with great effectiveness to those around them. And in the midst of giving to others, their own pain is lessened. In Proverbs we read that when we refresh others, we are ourselves refreshed. It goes back to the principle of reaping what you sow. If you need encouragement and help today on your journey back from a broken dream, then give it out to someone else. God will pour it back into your life in ways you’ve never imagined.
Surprised by Joy
The pain cannot be avoided. We have to embrace it and ask God to turn it into something good. But I want you to know that the pain doesn’t last forever. As I made my long journey back from a broken dream, there would come moments of joy and lightness of spirit. It took me by surprise; I think I believed that I would never be happy or lighthearted again. Having accepted that life could be dreary forever, these times of sheer delight brought hope and anticipation.
As the journey back from brokenness continues, the realization that life can be good again is almost more than you can comprehend. It is a little frightening; sometimes you feel guilty being happy. Then you begin to understand that God has good days ahead for you.
Then after considerable time on this road back from a broken dream, you realize that you’ve come a long way, and indeed you have a perspective of the experience that you could never have imagined. The corner has been turned, and though you’ll never forget the journey and the pain, you know that God has lifted the burden, opened your eyes, and started you now on a new path of joy and service.
Have you watched a dream die lately? Maybe your dream was a job you wanted but didn’t get. Or a mate you’ve desired and haven’t found. Perhaps it’s a goal you haven’t been able to reach, or a baby you haven’t been able to birth. Broken dreams are a part of life, but if you’re in the midst of the death of your dream right now, it will be difficult for you to believe that you’ll ever have another good day or life will hold excitement for you ever again. But don’t forget God’s power and his promises. Isaiah 61:1b-3 reminds us:
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, . . . to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
Remember what Paul wrote to the Galatians: “Did you suffer so many things in vain—if indeed it was in vain?” (Galatians 3:4). I would echo his words today and encourage you, wherever you are on this road back from a broken dream, make it count for good in your life. God is able to turn it into something truly worthwhile, but only if you will allow him to do so.
Believe me, as one who held out for years and years, it is foolish to do so. He can replace your broken dream with a new one, better and more fulfilling than you’ll ever believe. Let me share one last entry from my journal, made 18 months or so after this journey back from a broken dream began. After I had let go of my dream, embraced the pain instead of trying to run from it, avoided the temptation to give up, and began to find healing by becoming involved in helping others, joy and happiness and fulfillment and hope began to re-enter my life. Here’s what I wrote at that point:
Lord, you’ve made a garden out of my wilderness and my desert. Only you could do that. Jesus is all the world to me. May it ever be increasingly so! May I never turn again to my folly!
And now, over the past many years since I made that entry, God has brought me to new places. He has done a new thing for me, and I am glad. There are still hills to climb and obstacles to overcome. It has not been a “storybook” ending, but it has been better than the “happily-ever-afters” of the fairy tales. What God did in my life was to use that painful experience to make me more like Jesus, to help transform me into his likeness with ever-increasing glory. I want to tell you, that is exciting. And he has even made my sorrow and my pain to bring glory to him, allowing me to reach others I would never be able to otherwise.
He’ll do the same for you. Don’t give up. Keep going on the road back from a broken dream. There are good and wonderful things ahead for you, if you’ll give God the controls of your life.