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In Romans 13 we read: “ Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh” (Romans 13:13-14).
Well, I can understand why the Apostle Paul lists drunkenness, sexual immorality and debauchery, but how can he put jealousy in that same list? Jealousy is a common emotion, and we’ve all struggled with it, haven’t we? Paul warns us against it because he knows how much damage is done when jealousy runs amuck.
Fran is fighting jealousy as she realizes that her ex-boyfriend, Barry, is now dating a very pretty woman at her church. After seeing them together for the first time yesterday at church, she thought of nothing else all night long. She concluded that Barry deliberately tried to make her jealous, and the more she thinks about it, the angrier she is at him and the more miserable she feels.
She wakes up on this Monday morning feeling physically sick, and the first thing she thinks about is Barry and that woman. In her mind she blames him for feeling sick. She thinks about them together, alone, having dinner, laughing, enjoying each other—who knows what else they were doing. Her mind goes wild with imaginations, and she starts her day in a worse state than she finished in last night.
She skipped her time with the Lord this morning. She’s in no mood for that today. Hurriedly she gets the kids off to school and heads to work, with a horrible attitude. As her day begins, Louise stops by. Louise is her good friend who was with her in church yesterday and realized how hurt Fran was when she saw Barry with his date. “You feeling better today?” she asks.
“Of course,” Fran tries to be convincing. “I’m fine, Louise. After all, what Barry does is no business of mine.”
Louise senses the hostility. “Fran, you better deal with this jealousy quickly. It can consume you.”
Louise’s comment makes Fran angry. “Louise, I can handle it. Don’t worry about me.”
“Fran, nobody can handle jealousy on their own. Don’t let it ruin your day. It’s not worth it—Barry’s not worth it,” Louise tries to give her some good advice.
“Please, Louise, I’m not jealous of Barry. He can do what he pleases; it’s none of my business,” Fran says, but the tone of her voice gives her away. She is jealous and she knows it and Louise knows it. But right now she doesn’t have ears to hear Louise’s good advice.
As the day progresses Fran’s attitude becomes worse and everybody irritates her. She manages to bite off a few heads with hasty words and unkind reactions. She even speaks harshly to her manager. Anyone who knows Fran knows that something is eating her up inside. You see, you can’t hide jealousy. It pops out all over like the measles. And it’s uglier than the measles.
Jealousy is listed in Galatians 5:19-21 as one of the evidences of our evil nature. So, when you’re in the grips of jealousy, you’re allowing sin to have control in your life. And you can’t hide it; it shows.
She goes home Monday evening in a foul mood and takes her frustrations out on her kids. “Why haven’t you finished your homework, Drew?” she raises her voice to him. “It’s almost nine o’clock and you should be in bed, and you’re still dilly-dallying here with homework.”
“Mom, I told you I don’t know how to do it,” Drew answers pitifully.
“Well, it’ll just have to wait, Drew; it’s too late to do anything now,” she says.
“But mom, it’s due tomorrow,” he reminds her.
So, in an angry mood, she hurriedly gets involved with Drew’s homework assignment and helps him finish it. “Now, don’t let that happen again, you hear me, young man?” Again her voice is full of frustration and anger as she puts him to bed, and she can see the hurt in his eyes.
Immediately guilt sets in because in her heart she knows she is wrong. But she’s not ready to give in yet. You see, jealousy is such a strong emotion that it can bowl you over and swallow you up and cause you to do all kinds of things that are wrong. And usually the innocent people in your life suffer most when you’re consumed with jealousy.
For the next three days, Fran barely manages to hold it together at home and at work. She lets an important ball drop for one of her clients and has to work late Wednesday night to correct her mistake. She speaks in curt tones and words to everyone and isolates herself as much as possible. On Wednesday she sees Barry at a sales meeting, where he gives her a pleasant hello, and she interprets it to be a spiteful reminder of his date with that gorgeous woman.
You see, jealousy unchecked causes you to imagine all kinds of things that aren’t true, to be self-absorbed, to have a lot of pity parties, and in general to be a miserable person. No wonder Solomon wrote in Proverbs 27:4: “Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” It’s a stronger, more uncontrollable emotion than even anger or fury.
It’s now Thursday evening, and after putting the children to bed, Fran feels restless and begins to pace the floor, talking to herself. “Why did he do that to me? Why is he trying to ruin my life? Why me?” She starts the same line of out-of-control thinking and shifting of blame.
This pity party continues for quite a while, until suddenly, like a flash of light, she hears herself. As though someone has pulled back the blinders on her eyes, she sees how utterly sinful and stupid her behavior is. She sees herself and abhors what she sees.
Within a few minutes she is on her knees by the sofa. “Lord, I’m sorry,” she sobs. Those are the only words she can utter at this time, but in her heart she is going over the last five days, asking forgiveness for all the things she did and said that were unkind, ungracious, unloving. She is truly sorry for her behavior; it breaks her heart to think of how she has grieved the Lord.
“Can you please forgive me, Lord? I’m so sorry,” she says again. Finally she gets her Bible and looks up all the references to jealousy she can find. It shows her what a powerful emotion it is and how quickly it robs you of good sense. She realizes how wrong she was to blame Barry for her jealousy. It’s so clear to her now.
“Thank you, Holy Spirit, for revealing truth to me,” she says, as that peace that passes understanding begins to flood her heart once again. She wonders what caused her to finally come to her senses, when the phone rings. It’s her mom, calling to tell her she’s been praying for her all week.
“Well, mom,” Fran says, “God has answered your prayers. I’ve had a miserable week and made a lot of other people miserable, too. But I now see how foolish and sinful I’ve been. You were right in what you told me Sunday. Jealousy is a terrible thing. But I’ve finally gotten things settled with the Lord.”
“I knew you would, hon, eventually,” her mom says. “I’m glad it was sooner rather than later.”
Then Fran calls Louise. “Louise, I want to apologize for the way I’ve behaved toward you this week. I’ve been a jealous brat, and I just hate the way I’ve acted. I hope you will forgive me.”
They talk for awhile and of course Louise readily forgives and understands what Fran has been going through. Fran finally gets a good night’s sleep and wakes refreshed the next morning. At breakfast she apologizes to Drew and Alice for being such a poor mom all week.
“Oh, mommie, you haven’t been so bad,” Alice says. “We always know that you’ll get over it soon.”
“Yeah, mom,” Drew adds, “even though you were upset, you still helped me with my homework. What was the trouble, mom? Something at work?”
“No, Drew, something wrong in my heart,” Fran explains. “You know, when we allow sinful feelings to take over our hearts and we refuse to let God talk to us, then we always end up hurting ourselves and others. I just let a sinful feeling overwhelm me and it took me awhile to ask God to forgive me.”
It’s a good teaching moment for Fran with her kids, and she silently thanks God that he’s still able to take her ashes and turn them into something beautiful.
Well, Fran’s had a miserable week, but hopefully she’s learned some good lessons about dealing with jealousy. It is self-inflicted suffering, and I encourage you to deal with any jealousy in your life, too. Right now before it ruins a lot of good days for you, as it did for Fran.
What jealousy are you struggling with? Could it be you’re jealous of another person’s success? Or maybe you’re jealous of a relationship that someone else has, which you would like to have, but you don’t. Maybe you’re jealous of what someone else owns, their material possessions that you covet. Or someone else’s talents and abilities.
Remember that verse from Proverbs 27:4 which says: “Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy.” Jealousy is a strong and dominating emotion, and when you allow it to get a foothold in your life, it will bowl you over; you won’t be able to stand against it.
How do you fight jealousy? First, you admit it. Don’t let five days go by, like Fran did, before recognizing and admitting that you are jealous. Then you confess it as sin to God and ask him to not only forgive you, but give you the moment-by-moment strength to overcome it and let it go.
Remember that jealousy will often cause you to make a fool out of yourself, so before you let that happen, give it over to the Lord. Learn to be content where you are and to accept what you have. Release it to God, ask him for strength, and you can know victory even over that green-eyed monster of jealousy.
