God Doesn’t Make Cookie-Cutter Christians

This message was precipitated by a letter from a sincere young mother who wrote me, expressing her view of working mothers.  She had assumed that I advocated mothers working outside their homes, though she admittedly had never heard me say that.  In her letter she was asking me to please give a message validating and affirming the role of the traditional mother who stays home with her children.  She felt that the woman who chooses to stay at home has not been championed adequately by the Christian community.

Contrary to her perception, I have felt that there are many good voices in Christianity validating and supporting the traditional role of women.  And certainly I affirm their stand, for indeed the family is being attacked and needs to be strongly supported by the Christian community.  No argument there.

Rather, it is my perception that the role of the non-traditional Christian woman is the one held in low regard by many in the Christian community.  Interestingly, this is pretty much the opposite of what we find in the secular world, where indeed the traditional role has been maligned over the past few decades.  But truthfully, I see that changing slowly.

I’d like to begin by stating quite clearly that I really have never advocated mothers working, nor have I advocated that they not work.  That’s not my job.  Where something is black and white in Scripture, I can be very dogmatic.  But this is not one of those cases.

There are many examples in Scripture of women who were busily engaged in outside activities and yet were successful wives and mothers.  The woman described in Proverbs 31 is generally considered the ideal for all women.  I challenge anyone to read that chapter and not conclude that this woman not only was a wonderful wife and mother, but also an outstanding business woman.  She bought and sold real estate; she had her own manufacturing business; she transacted business with male counterparts; and she “looked well to the ways of her household.”

Many other women in Scripture held very non-traditional roles and were mightily blessed of God.  Deborah ruled her nation; Priscilla worked alongside her husband, Aquila, both in teaching God’s Word and in making tents, equal partners in business and ministry.  Lydia owned a prestigious fabric business, and through her home the church spread into Europe.

There is no directive in Scripture which says that there is only one acceptable role for women, just as there is no one role for men.  God doesn’t make cookie cutter Christians!  We are each unique, and within the framework of the Gospel and the Church, there is room for all of us, with our different personalities, our different interests, our different gifts.

Of course it’s true that God’s Word gives us clear directives as to the priorities of our lives, and each individual is responsible to search the mind of God and know what his or her role should be.  But mine and yours can be quite different, and both can be right.

I think it’s true that some women today have been deceived by the world’s message, gotten their priorities confused, and failed to give their families the importance they should have.  I’ve counseled many women to reconsider their priorities when I felt they were being caught up in the throes of their careers.  But those were individual cases where I knew the circumstances.

However, many fathers have put their careers above their families for years, yet with far less Christian criticism or condemnation.  We need to remember that God doesn’t have double standards.  Both mothers and fathers are admonished by Scripture to give family a higher priority than career.

In my first book, The Christian Working Woman, as well as many of my messages, I have suggested that a mother who has the option to stay home during the formative years of her pre-school children, would be well-advised to give that serious consideration.  It is often the best choice she can make.  Careers don’t last for eternity; children do.  But I don’t believe that’s a black and white issue on which we can be biblically dogmatic.

Rather, what I attempt to do is give Scriptural guidelines for setting priorities, and urge you to get to know God.  I’m confident that if a mother spends time seeking God, the Holy Spirit is very capable of guiding her to make the right determination about working, if indeed she has options.

Of course, many working mothers have no choice, and the last thing we need to do in our Christian community is dump more guilt on them.  We should be supportive of them and make certain they know they are accepted and loved within the Body of Christ.  Unfortunately, many feel very ostracized and second-class because of negative attitudes toward working mothers which they detect from their Christian family.

In this letter I mentioned, the writer asked me who would role model, guide, nurture, listen to, and teach the children of working mothers, her assumption being that a working mother could not fulfill those roles.  The very question shows the prejudice and judgmental attitudes which many have toward any workplace mother.

My answer was that we working mothers will role model for our children, just as the traditional mother does.  Where does it say that a working mother cannot be an effective role model?  Thank God, nowhere!  And conversely, there is no magic in staying home with your children. That in itself does not constitute good parenting.

I’ve never said it was easy to be a working mother, and there are great sacrifices we make in order to do both jobs well and not neglect our families when we work.  But it can be done and has been done by lots of wonderful Christian women.

Many who believe that mothers should never work outside their home will usually hurry to say that it does not apply to the mother who has to work.  But those qualifying words don’t change the message.  If you’re saying that children automatically suffer when their mothers work outside the home, then it has to hold true whether the mother wants to work or not, and believe me, we mothers who have to work have heard that message loud and clear from the Christian community.

How often women have told me that there are no programs at their churches for women scheduled so that working women can attend, and they feel like outsiders in their congregation.  What a shame that is.  The Body of Christ is designed to be our source of strength, our refuge from the world’s abuse.  When we find lack of acceptance and judgmental attitudes based on issues which are not defined in Scripture, we lose the beauty and effectiveness of our Christian fellowship.

My best friend, Fran, is a wife and mother.  She has never been a career woman.  Her role has been extremely traditional, and mine extremely untraditional.  Yet she and I are close friends and support each other.  Never once have I felt even the slightest judgmental attitude on her part toward me, and hopefully she can say the same.

In fact, we learn so much from each other.  I gain insight into the struggles that a traditional woman faces, and she has a much clearer understanding of where we working women are coming from because of our friendship.   Though our situations are different, we face the same struggles and the same emotions, and we both have to come out at the same place—yielding our lives to the control of God whatever our circumstances.  Our friendship keeps us from judging each other wrongly and forming unloving attitudes toward those who have a different role from us.

One of the great beauties and joys of fellowshipping with other Christians is that we have so much in common through Jesus, even though our lives and lifestyles may be quite different.  That instant oneness is a joy to experience.  And yet, in many Christian settings, we keep d­rawing these lines and establishing these artificial boundaries which keep us apart and keep us from understanding each other and accepting each other.

I long for the day when those of us in the Body of Christ can learn to stop putting people in “boxes.”  There is much room within biblical principles for different lifestyles, all blessed by God and effective.  We don’t need cookie cutter Christians—all of us looking alike and doing the same thing and feeling the same way about everything.

Now, please don’t misinterpret what I’m saying.  I am in no way referring to clear biblical guidelines about lifestyles, such as homosexuality, purity of life, marital fidelity, celibacy outside of marriage, etc.  Those are black and white guidelines, and I have often spoken on the importance of obeying God in those lifestyle areas.

But it’s very easy for us to cross those biblical lines and start meddling in God’s business.  We start to think that our opinions and judgments are biblical law, or we fail to remember that everybody doesn’t have to march in our parade in order to be what God wants them to be.

God doesn’t make cookie cutter Christians.  If he had wanted us to all look and act alike, he would have given us a set of hard and fast rules, we’d have a uniform or dress code, and be programmed like robots to look and talk like we all came from the same mold.  Aren’t you glad God loves variety?  How boring and dull that would be. And how ineffective.  We are different so that we can reach different people.  The world is made up of great varieties, and we need Christians who can relate to all of them.  I can talk to workplace women because I am one.  I can talk to single mothers because I am one.  I can talk to women in similar careers as mine because I talk their language.  And the same is true for you.  You can reach others like you because we relate best to people who’ve walked in our shoes.

Can a non-traditional woman be a godly woman?  You better believe it!  But it has nothing to do with her role.  It is rather controlled by her heart attitude.  Does she have a heart for God?  Does she seek to please him and know him?  Is the Word of God her bread and life?

You show me that woman, and I’ll show you a woman who is effective for God.  She may be as traditional as the day is long, or she may be really different, with a most unusual lifestyle.  I know women in both categories who role model for me what a Christian woman should be.