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PROGRAM D-8066
I’ve written a book called Common Mistakes Singles Make which addresses the many mistakes I made as a single woman, and the ones I see many others making, as well. Here, however, I’m not going to share the mistakes singles make, but rather the things that singles really don’t need and don’t want to hear. I give credit to Susan Maycinik for some of these thoughts.
Here is one thing not to say to a single Christian: “God will send someone to you in his time if you’ll learn to be content.”
For some, there’s a pain in singleness which cannot be discounted or spiritualized away. After God created the Garden of Eden and put Adam there in the midst of all that beauty, with all those animals and lots to do, and with perfect unbroken fellowship with God, the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). God created man and woman to be together; he knew that fellowship with God was not all we needed.
Telling a single person to “just be content” shows you know little of the struggle that goes on inside singles. Furthermore, it seems to imply that there’s a formula that will guarantee you’ll soon be walking down the aisle. Conversely, it also implies that if you’re not married, you must be doing something wrong. Can you see how harmful this can be to that single who is struggling with singleness? You would never tell a sick person that when they “have enough faith” or “learn to be content,” God will heal them. But often people have that approach with singles.
As Susan puts it, “God’s not a vending machine, dispensing a husband (or wife) when enough contentment coins are inserted. He doesn’t withhold his blessings until we deserve them.”
If you’re a single person who struggles with wanting to be married, realize it is a natural desire and you don’t have to feel guilty about it. However, if that desire consumes you so that you have made an idol out of it, then you must learn to relinquish even that deepest desire to God and trust him for your future. He is not planning something dreadful and dreary for you.
If you’re not single, please remember this: One thing not to say to a single person is “God will send someone to you in his time if you’ll learn to be content.”