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PROGRAM D-8068
If you are a single adult, no doubt someone has said to you—probably recently—something like this: “I can’t believe you’re not married!” or “You’re not married yet?”
I’m sharing about things you should never say to a single Christian. Tell the truth: Have you ever been guilty of saying that to a single? Perhaps you were a little more subtle, and used instead, “Are you seeing anyone special?” or “How’s your social life these days?”
A family member said to my daughter before she was married, “You’re so pretty; what’s the matter with those men in your church?” When I was single—not that long ago—people would say things like, “Mary, you are one of God’s unclaimed blessings!” We appreciate the concern and interest of others but, believe me, we don’t need to hear those messages.
One single person related to me that married friends will frequently say to her, “I just want you to know I’m praying that God will send you a mate.” She said, “I wonder, would they pray for me if I were not single? Is that the only need they see in my life?”
Married people often assume you’re lonely if you’re single. This is not necessarily so. Aloneness does not automatically mean lonely. Many singles’ lives are full and running over with meaningful activities and relationships. Quite honestly, many really enjoy being single!
Singles don’t want anyone to feel sorry for them. It would be very nice if, once in a while, you would let a single person know that you “envy” their lifestyles in some way (which I’m sure you do). There’s nothing wrong in each of us appreciating the good things about the other lifestyle, without being discontent. Certainly, singles appreciate the good things that marriage offers—companionship, parenthood, and sexual relationship. But married people also secretly, if not openly, appreciate some of the freedoms and flexibilities that singles enjoy.
If you’re single, let me remind you not to let yourself focus only on the negatives of singleness. All you need to do is to look around at the broken, struggling marriages to realize that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Appreciate what you have as single people rather than magnifying the negatives. The Apostle Paul put it this way: “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances” (Philippians 4:11). If you’re single, you can learn that great lesson, too.