‘- Part I –

Regardless of what kind of work you do every day, you undoubtedly have to get along with some people in order to do it. You have to motivate them or placate them or correct them or teach them or guide them or help them—or all of the above.  People!  They’re always there!

Well, it’s no surprise that we can learn how to deal with all kinds of people in all kinds of situations by studying the Master, Jesus Christ. His people skills were the best ever.  So, let’s learn some lessons from Jesus in how to get along with people.

Dealing with Broken Relationships

Consider what Jesus taught us to do when a relationship has been broken or wounded. In Matthew 5 we read:

If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

Here’s what we learn from Jesus:

Fix It Quickly

If there’s anything wrong with a relationship, try to fix it quickly. Don’t let it fester. In fact, Jesus said to interrupt your worship if you had to.  If you’re in church and you’re convicted about a hurting relationship, leave church even before the sermon’s over and go try to fix that broken relationship.  Don’t let anything get in your way and don’t waste any time.

If you’ve noticed, the sooner you tackle a relationship problem, the easier it is to do. The longer you wait, the more it festers and grows and takes on a life of its own.  So, move quickly.

Make the First Move

Also, Jesus teaches that we should make the first move even if we’re not the one at fault. He said if your brother has something against you, you go to your brother.  Now, we’d probably say “If he’s got something against me, that’s his problem, not mine.”  But the Master said you make that first effort to be reconciled and do so quickly.

Even though it seems backward to us, remember that doing it Jesus’ way works.

Dealing with People Who Disappoint Us

Has someone in your life disappointed you greatly? Life is full of those kinds of disappointments.  Guess what—you’ve disappointed some people, too.  Well, what can we learn from Jesus in dealing with people who fail us?

Did you ever think about how his closest friends and associates failed Jesus? Judas betrayed him; Peter denied him; they all fled at the first sign of trouble.  These twelve men were disappointing failures as disciples, were they not?  They were slow to learn, they had their priorities all confused, they failed to heal people at times.  Over and over Jesus indicated his frustration with their lack of faith and trust in him.

Yet he never threw them off the team. He allowed them to fail; he permitted them to make mistakes; he suffered through their ignorance and arrogance, until finally they became the men he intended them to be.

Give People Time to Fail and Learn

This is a people skill we all need to learn from Jesus, and learn well. People have to have time to learn and grow.  Failure is one of the best teaching methods ever invented.  Time is also a good teacher.  So, in dealing with people, we must remember that disappointments come with the territory.

Been disappointed in your child lately? Remember what you were like at his or her age.  That always does it for me, because I can clearly remember the dumb things I did in early years, and my daughter is way ahead of where I was.  Give your child time to grow.  Teach and coach and role model for your children, but remember, they’re going to disappoint you as they grow and learn.

Got an employee who disappoints you sometimes? Maybe he or she hasn’t yet polished their verbal skills and they say the wrong words at times.  Be patient with them. You probably have had your share of shoe polish on your face from inserting your foot in your mouth.  If that person is teachable, he or she could become one of your most valued employees.

Another great people skill principle from our Master: Allow people to fail and disappoint and make mistakes, because in the process they learn and grow.

Inspiring People to Greatness

Would you like to help someone be more than they ever thought they could be? Jesus was an expert at inspiring people to greatness.

Think about his famous disciple, Peter. When he first met Jesus he was called Simon.  But we read in John 1 that “Jesus looked at him and said, ‘You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas’ which, when translated, is Peter” (John 1:42).

Cephas and Peter both mean rock. Jesus called him rock.  I wonder how Peter felt when Jesus changed his name.  I’m quite certain he had some understanding of the meaning of this name change.  Jesus was telling him, in effect, “Peter, I want you on my team.  You’re going to be my rock.  I believe in you, Peter, and you can be greater than you’ve ever imagined.”

This humble, uneducated fisherman did indeed become great in the kingdom of God. It didn’t happen overnight, you will recall.  Peter stumbled along the way many times.  But Jesus had given him a new name and called him what he would become.  Jesus demonstrated faith in Peter and in spite of his failures; Peter never gave up until he realized his destiny.

Call Them What They Can Become

If you want to help someone be all that they can be, start calling them what they can become. You probably won’t be able to change their name, but you can say things like, “I believe you could learn to make a very effective presentation.  You are good in front of a group.”  Or, “You know, you’re good at numbers and statistics.  I think you could be great in our research department.”  Or to your child, “Honey, you do so well in English.  I can see you as a great writer.”  Or to your mate, “You have such good insight into people; I bet you’d be a great counselor.”

Something that simple can give a person new hope, a new image of themselves, and it could make a major difference in what they are able to achieve and do. So, call some people some names today like Jesus did for Peter.  Call them what they can become and it will inspire them to go for it.

Confronting People

Do you have difficulty confronting people? My hand is up, I can tell you that.  Yet, in dealing with people, there are times we must confront.  How can we learn to confront appropriately?

Well, we turn to Jesus to see how he confronted, and if you’ve read the gospels at all, you know he confronted rather bluntly at times. Those who were opposing him were called whitewashed tombs, hypocrites, snakes, children of the devil and other unflattering names.  He said these things to their faces, never behind their backs, and he did so because he wanted to shock them into seeing their true condition.

He knew this was no time to mince words or worry about hurting their feelings. This was a life and death issue and they needed to know the truth that would set them free.

•Be Straight-Forward

Likewise, there are times when we must boldly confront others for their good. This is especially true if you’re in a management position. We all fear these kinds of straight-forward confrontations because it is temporarily very uncomfortable.  And rarely do people accept these words well initially.  Yet it may be exactly what is needed for long term change, which in the end is for their good more than anyone else’s.

Always Confront Under Control

Jesus never confronted people out of control. He may have been angry at them for their actions or words, but when he brought them face to face with the truth, as painful as that was, he did so out of a real concern for them as well as for those they would influence.  You know, sometimes we have to confront people because of the effect they have on others.

In a recent situation I recognized harm that was being done to a group of people because of one person’s behavior. Had that behavior affected only me, perhaps there would have been no need for confrontation.  But when I realized the harmful effect on others, I knew it was my job, as the one in authority in that situation, to confront this person.  I can tell you, it ruined my day.  I was uncomfortable.  But I knew it was a necessary thing to do.

You may not think of confrontation as a people skill, but it definitely is. And Jesus can help you do it effectively if you will pray about it, study his method of confrontation, and grit your teeth to do what needs to be done.  Of course, our motives must be carefully scrutinized before we confront.