Part I
For quite a few years I’ve been telling an on-going fictional story I call Fran and Jesus on the Job. Fran is a young widow whose husband was killed in an accident, and now she finds herself a working mom with two children. Fran is learning how to turn to Jesus for wisdom and guidance in every area of her life. She is learning to practice the presence of Jesus all the time—remember and be aware that as a Christ-follower, she has God’s Spirit resident within her. When you’re born from above, you can have conversations with Jesus just like Fran, because he is with you always. Obviously he doesn’t speak to you in verbal words, but as you get to know him better and better, his Spirit within you can certainly speak to your heart.
Since Jim’s untimely death, Fran finds that her life is consumed with just keeping her family going. For the first year after his death, she had to learn to do so many things she’d never done before, and all that in the midst of terrible grief. Now, as a working mom, her time and energy are needed to do her job and be the mother she wants to be. She’s learning how much sacrifice it takes to try to wear both of those hats.
But as several years have now passed since she became a widow, Fran is beginning to feel the desire and the need for male companionship. You may remember that she had an intense relationship with a man named Barry, which she had hoped was leading to marriage. But it didn’t, so Fran has tried to be content with being single and not think about getting married. However, she finds herself looking at attractive men, checking their ring finger out quickly to see if they’re married, daydreaming about whether she’ll ever find someone else to take Jim’s place.
Fran’s social life is pretty well centered around her church. It always has been, and she certainly intends for her children to have that firm and solid foundation of biblical teaching and good friends that they find in their church.
But now that she’s single, Fran isn’t quite sure where she fits in at church anymore. She never realized how everything in church is often so geared toward couples and families. Of course, she is a family and she wants her kids to take part in those family activities. But somehow, as a single woman, she feels awkward.
On this Tuesday evening, a new friend, Patsy, has urged her to come to church for a special singles event. She’s not sure she wants to, but figures if she’ll ever have an opportunity to meet single people, this is the best place to go. So, she has agreed to meet Patsy there.
As she and Jesus head to the church, she says, “You know, Lord, I never thought I’d be part of this singles’ scene again. And I’m not real comfortable with it.”
“It’s been a difficult transition for you, Fran,” Jesus replies. “No doubt about that.”
“Well, Jesus, the hardest part is just not fitting in, especially at church. At first I went back to the couples’ class that Jim and I attended, but people didn’t seem to know what to do with me. I seemed to make them nervous, but just because I’m single doesn’t change who I am. I couldn’t understand why they treated me differently,” Fran remembers those early days of widowhood.
“Well, Fran, it seems that people are good at building walls of all kinds—walls between marrieds and singles, young and old, career and traditional moms, divorced and never-marrieds, professional and blue-collar people—all kinds of walls. You know,” Jesus says, “I came to tear down those walls, but Christians still keep putting them back up. It breaks my heart.”
“I guess I’ve done my share of building walls,” Fran replies, “but now that I know how it feels from the other side, I’m going to do my best never to do that again, and just to accept everyone as they are; an individual loved by God and very special.”
“The Church should be the one place where the walls come down,” Jesus says.
As she pulls into the parking lot, Patsy pulls in beside her. “Hi, Fran, glad you came tonight,” Patsy calls as they get out of their cars.
“Yeah, well, I decided it couldn’t hurt, but I’m a little uncomfortable, Patsy,” Fran says.
“Well, you’ll meet lots of nice people here—who knows, Fran, maybe even a man,” Patsy replies.
“Yeah, right, what man wants a woman with two kids to raise?” Fran asks with a laugh, but inwardly hoping that there might be some man here tonight who would find her interesting.
She and Patsy decide to sit together at an empty table, and as they chat away, the table begins to fill up with other singles. A man sits across from Fran and introduces himself as David, new to the city and the church. He looks about 35, not too tall but nice looking, well-dressed, and Fran enjoys their conversation.
“You know, Lord,” she whispers to Jesus, “he really seems to be interested in talking to me. And I’ve already told him I have two kids. Didn’t seem to scare him off.” Fran is a little excited.
“Fran,” Jesus responds, “you don’t have to worry about your kids. They’re great kids and the right kind of man will not find them a problem.”
“Do you think David might be that kind of man?” Fran asks.
“Oh, please Fran; don’t let your thoughts and imaginations run away with you. You’ve just met him. Just talk to him like any other person, be interested in him because he’s a person, and don’t start projecting about a possible relationship. It’s much too soon,” Jesus warns Fran.
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. But he is paying a lot of attention to me,” Fran notes.
After the dinner and program, David continues talking with Fran. He asks if she can have a cup of coffee with him at the McDonald’s down the street. She looks at her watch and knows she should get on home because she promised the sitter to be home by 10:30, but she can’t resist.
“Well, sure David, I can talk for a few minutes,” Fran replies. David suggests they go in his car. All the time Jesus is tugging at Fran’s sleeve trying to get a word in edgewise, but Fran ignores his tugs.
As they get out of the car at the restaurant, Jesus says hurriedly to Fran, “Fran, you’re not listening to me. This is not a smart thing for you to do; you promised the sitter, and besides, you don’t know this man.”
“But, Lord, it’s a public place, and I met him at church. What harm could there be?” Fran says and ignores that inner voice as she walks with David into the restaurant.
The next hour flies by, as Fran and David talk. She learns that he is an architect, just transferred to the city, and is divorced. He explains that he was married for only a few years before they both knew it was a huge mistake, but they stayed together 12 years. He has two sons, age 11 and 13, who live with their mom. He became a Christian after his wife divorced him five years ago.
Suddenly Fran looks at her watch. “Oh, my goodness, it’s almost 11:30. I must go; the sitter is expecting me.” David drives her back to the church parking lot, and as she rushes to her car, he asks if he can call her. She gives him her number.
In the car on the way home, her heart is flying high. “He liked me; he really liked me. And he was so easy to talk to. Got a good job, obviously the divorce wasn’t his fault and besides he wasn’t a Christian then. Nice guy.” As Fran thinks about David, she suddenly realizes that Jesus is there, reading her thoughts, as always. There are times she wishes Jesus didn’t know every thought she had.
She says to him, “Well, there was no harm in that, Jesus, right? It felt good to have some male attention. It’s been a long time.”
“No, nothing wrong except you were somewhat inconsiderate of your sitter, since you promised to be home by 10:30,” Jesus says. “Would you have done that if Patsy had asked you to go to McDonalds?”
“Well, no, I’m sure I would have insisted I had to go home, but don’t I deserve some fun once in awhile? Good grief!” Fran expresses her frustration. “Do I have to always be the responsible mother?”
“Maybe a phone call to the sitter would have been considerate on your part, Fran,” Jesus responds. “At any rate, just think about how quickly you were willing to neglect your responsibility because of a man you have just met.”
“Yeah, you’re right, Lord,” Fran replies. “That is out of character for me. But it felt so good to be with a man.”
Jesus says, “Please remember how vulnerable you are right now, Fran. You’ve been by yourself for quite a while and any male attention is going to start the chemistry going. Don’t be fooled by feelings. And please, don’t let your need for male attention cause you to abandon all your common sense. Do you remember the advice you gave Louise?”
Louise, Fran’s friend from the office, is also single, and she fell hard and fast for a new man she met. Fran warned her not to move too fast, but Louise didn’t listen and ended up with a broken heart.
“But this is different, Lord….” Fran’s voice trails off.
“Yes, it’s always different when it happens to you, isn’t it, Fran?” Jesus laughs.
“But the man Louise met was not even a Christian. David is a believer. This is different,” Fran defends herself.
“Well, that certainly is a significant difference, but it doesn’t mean you can let all your heartstrings go wild and not be cautious. Being a Christian is not the only important qualification for a potential relationship, Fran. That’s just the beginning. There are many other very important issues to consider,” Jesus says.
By now they’ve reached home, and Fran hurries in the house, apologizing to the sitter, who is obviously worried and upset. She pays her a little extra and watches as she walks home across the street, with a little guilt at her thoughtlessness tonight.
She crawls into bed, but can’t sleep. She goes over in her mind the entire evening, recalling the conversation with David, how he looked at her, what he said. And in her imagination, the importance of the occasion grows. The next morning, as soon as she shuts the alarm off, she’s thinking about the night before and how nice it was to talk to David.
She sits down with her Bible to spend some time with Jesus, but finds her mind is totally uncontrollable. She’s reading words on the page, but not comprehending anything. She tries to pray, but her mind wanders. Finally, she just gives up, and rushes to get off to work on time.
Jesus is with her all day, as usual, but Fran is too preoccupied to talk with him much. In fact, she has trouble keeping her mind on her work, and the day seems to drag on and on. Several times she finds herself staring at some papers, while daydreaming about David. Wonder if he’ll call tonight? Wonder if he really likes me? Frequently Jesus hems and haws to get her attention, but she doesn’t want to talk to him today. She’s enjoying her fantasies.
Can you see some mistakes that Fran has made already? She is struggling with being single, and it isn’t easy. But with Jesus there, as long as she keeps listening to him, she’ll know what to do.