Part II

Proverbs 25:28 says, “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.” Galatians 5:23 reminds us that self-control is one part of the fruit of the Spirit, one of the sure signs that our lives are being controlled by God’s Spirit who lives within every true believer.

We looked at some of the evidences of the lack of self-control, and saw that there are many telltale signs. For example, when we talk about ourselves too much, when our tongues are quick to do harm and we criticize and complain a lot, when our personality quirks get worse instead of better, when we are addicted to something, when we are often envious and jealous—these are some sure signs of the lack of self-control.

All of us can identify some areas in our lives where we know that we don’t exercise self-control the way we should. Our walls are weak in a spot or two, and our enemy keeps getting the victory over us at those places.

Now, let’s look at ways we can start to have self-control in those areas where up to now we seem to always be defeated. After all, it’s one thing to know where the walls are broken down, but it’s another thing to know how to rebuild the walls. How do I bring this self under control? Try harder? Beat myself up when I fail? Does it seem like no matter how hard you try, you can’t control this self? What do we do?

A.W. Tozer, one of my favorite authors, wrote in his book The Pursuit of God, “The veil that keeps us from knowing God in intimacy is woven out of the fine threads of the self-life, the hyphenated sins of the human spirit. They are not something we do, they are something we are, and therein lies both their subtlety and their power. To be specific, the self-sins are self-righteousness, self-pity, self-confidence, self-sufficiency, self-admiration, self-love and a host of others like them. They dwell too deep within us and are too much a part of our natures to come to our attention till the light of God is focused on them…We must confess, forsake, repudiate the self-life and then reckon it crucified.”

Confess, forsake, repudiate the self-life and then reckon it crucified. Those are words of advice from Dr. Tozer. We need to ask God to show us where our self is out of control. Most likely you know already, but you may have chosen to ignore it or rationalize it away somehow.

“That’s just the way I am,” we often say, and it’s true. But it’s likely not the way God wants us to be, and it’s no excuse for lack of self-control. Just face up to those areas today where you know God wants you to be controlled; call them by name to the Lord.

A woman told me that she had tried so hard to control her tendency to gossip. She said, “I know it’s wrong and I know it does harm. But I just can’t seem to stop. I’ve prayed about it but the next time I’m with friends, I’ll do it again. What can I do?”

I advised her to confess to the Lord that she cannot in herself stop gossiping, but through his power, she knows he can do it in her. Then she needs to find verses in the Bible that relate to gossip, to the damage that the tongue does, and memorize several verses. Then pray those verses into her life every morning, and ask God to bring those verses to mind when she is tempted to gossip. If she will do that, she will be rebuilding the wall, brick by brick, so that it is no longer broken down.

Why don’t you do that, and start the process today? Choose the one area where you feel you most lack self-control; write it down on paper, and then go to God’s Word for some relevant verses. You’ll find them if you keep looking. A good concordance can help, or maybe a friend who knows the Bible well. But don’t give up; God will give you some Scripture that relates to your problem.

Write those verses on separate cards; pray them each morning. For example, if laziness is your problem, you can pray Hebrews 6:11-12: “Lord, I know you don’t want me to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised and to show diligence to the very end.”

If you truly want God to help you be self-controlled, this will work because it’s applying the Word of God directly to your problem. I know from experience that praying these verses into your life daily will make a huge difference. All day long that scripture is there, ready to be used by the Spirit of God to enable you to be self-controlled.

Then, make yourself accountable to someone else. Tell them what you’re doing to build that wall back up, and ask them to check up on you. Ask them to pray with you about it and hold you accountable. You need that help from the body of believers to break those strongholds.

Remember, we not only must confess our lack of self-control, we must forsake it. For the woman who struggles with gossip, that might mean taking herself out of those tempting situations, walking away from conversations, putting her hand over her mouth if she has to.

Then, as I quoted from A.W. Tozer, once we’ve confessed and forsaken, we must reckon ourselves to be dead to that sin and alive unto God. It is done by faith, not by feelings or by sight. Jesus took care of that old self when he died, and you and I must keep counting it as so.

I recommend you quote each morning Galatians 2:20: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” And you pray as you start each day, “Lord, I count myself dead to sin but alive unto you. I live by faith today—faith in what you’ve told me is true. I believe my old self has been crucified with Christ and I accept it as a fact by faith.”

You see, it’s not difficult to control a dead person. If you tell a dead person to be quiet, they are. If you command a dead person to stay put, they’ll stay put. It’s only when self is alive and well that it is out of control.

How do I die to myself? You are dead to yourself. If you are born again, the Bible teaches us that we are dead to ourselves. Galatians 5:24 says “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature and its passions and desires.”  That’s what the Bible says—we have crucified the sinful nature. Not we should crucify it or we will crucify it, but we have crucified it.

Why don’t we see the evidences of it in our lives, then? Because so many Christians don’t understand this theology, and they’ve never learned to daily count their old sinful nature crucified. We must by faith apply it daily in our lives. I strongly urge you to daily apply this biblical truth. That’s where it begins—we recognize that we are dead to self but alive unto God.

And in so doing, we acknowledge our total inability to control self on our own. It won’t come through gritting your teeth and trying harder. God knows we can’t do it by ourselves. But he has given us the power of the risen Christ—the same Spirit lives within each believer. We have the power to be self-controlled, but a lot of us don’t go to our source of strength and victory. We keep trying to do it ourselves. It’ll never happen except through the power of Jesus in you.

Another good suggestion to help you bring yourself under control is to learn to humble yourself. Make it a conscious project to humble yourself whenever you have an opportunity, as the Bible tells us to do. How do we do that? Here are a few suggestions:

  • Don’t talk about yourself so much. When you’re in a conversation, focus on the other person and talk about them. And really listen and care about that person and what’s happening in his or her life.
  • Don’t brag about your successes. Let other people praise you and not your own lips, the Bible says. Resist the temptation to tell everyone who you are and what you’ve done.

 

In other words, control your tongue and you will be self-controlled. So, how do we control this tongue? Make it a matter of daily prayer. Begin by praying Psalm 141:3: “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.”  Here are some other verses on words and the tongue to write in your prayer journal and then pray them into your life daily, like this:

Proverbs 10:21  “The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment.” – Lord, may my lips nourish people today.”

Psalm 17:3  “Today I have resolved that my mouth will not sin.”

Ephesians 4:29  “Lord, may no unwholesome talk come out of my mouth today, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

James 1:19  “…Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak…” – Help me to be quick to listen and slow to speak.

Let me just tell you some of the great benefits of taming your tongue.

  • You will get rid of a lot of stress. Having to listen to ourselves talk all the time is stressful, and when we say the wrong words, we feed the wrong messages into our minds and bring more stress on ourselves.
  • Your relationships will greatly improve as you tame your tongue. Just think of the damage you’ve done to relationships when your tongue was out of control
  • You will improve your performance. When you say the right words, it will greatly influence whatever job you have and how well you do it. That could result in all kinds of good things for you.
  • But most importantly, when your tongue is tamed, you’ll be more like Jesus, transformed more and more into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, as we read in 2 Corinthians 3:18.

 

Another way to bring self under control is to accept criticism gracefully, even if it’s not given in the right way. Don’t defend yourself. Allow God to be your defense.

If you’re like me, you need some practical ways to help you apply God’s Word to your life. It helps me a great deal to write things down and then pray about them. I’ve prepared a very simple form to help you bring self under control. It’s just a way to force yourself to face some of these issues and to pray about them in a more consistent manner.

Click Here for self-control work sheet