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Whether you’re experiencing conflict at work, home or school, applying biblical wisdom can help you resolve differences in a healthy way and build stronger, more rewarding relationships. We invite the Holy Spirit to search our hearts when we find ourselves in conflict. I want to talk about contribution vs blame.

James 4:1 says: What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? Or as the Message translation says…They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves.

Here James is reminding us that often it is our desires within us that contribute to conflict, yet, if we are honest, most of us point the finger when we are facing relational discord. It can be so easy to place blame on the other person rather than noticing how we have contributed to the conflict at hand.

Now I can just sense the defensiveness rising up in some of us as we hear that we have contributed to a relational rift. But this is where humility comes in. Are we willing to take an honest look at how we have contributed to the conflict? If your immediate response is, “I have not done anything to contribute to this conflict,” consider this question…… “If there were a way that you have contributed to the current conflict, what would it be?” 

If you are truly committed to resolving conflict you will take an honest assessment of your thoughts, actions, and behaviors. Remember the old saying: it takes two to tango. Now this doesn’t mean that the other person hasn’t played a part in the strife but owning your part will go a long way towards resolution.

Think of a current conflict. Ask yourself, what part have I played? What do I need to own? What do I need to die to in this situation? What might I need to let go of and confess? How might operating from judgement, pride, and the need to be right be hindering the relationship? Get honest with yourself. Confess your part to God. Receive his forgiveness, put yourself in a posture of humility. ​​Listen, we are all prone to self-righteousness and blame, but humility and owning our contribution to a conflict, positions us for growth and deepening of relationships.