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PROGRAM D-7459
In all areas of our lives, we face the challenge of dealing with the opposite sex. And we quickly discover that men and women communicate quite differently; we use language differently.
For example, women use language as primarily a way of establishing connections, interdependence, and negotiating relationship. Conflict is a real threat to connection and therefore to be avoided at all costs. Women typically shun confrontations.
For men, language is primarily a means to preserve independence and negotiate status. Conflict is the necessary means by which independence and status are negotiated, so it is accepted.
Men are able to confront, disagree, and argue, even in a contentious manner, but when it’s all over, they’re fine. It usually doesn’t affect their relationships. They’ve used words to negotiate what they want, and once that is done, it’s done.
Women take all those words to heart. We hear them and re-hear them, and it takes us awhile to learn to operate in a man’s world and learn how they communicate.
Men bond through verbal bantering— by insulting each other. Just listen to a group of men talking and you’ll hear insults flying back and forth, amidst laughter. Women are in misery in these settings with men who are bonding in this way if they don’t understand what’s happening. They see it as vicious and nasty.
Men usually try to figure things out on their own, whereas women ask for help. You have the stereotypical example of a man refusing to ask for directions when he’s driving. Women will quickly ask for help.
Men tend to talk more in formal or public situations, but they talk less in intimate relationships. Women are usually vice-versa. That scenario is played out all the time, where a woman wants to talk about what’s on her heart, and a man finds that difficult to do.
Now, the object is not to try to change women to be like men, or men to be like women, but simply to understand each other and make concessions and adjustments, as necessary.
Remember, God created us differently for good reasons, and when we work together interdependently, we have much to gain. When we allow these differences to create friction and conflict, we miss the good things that can be gained as a team.