Tom Holladay’s book, The Relationship Principles of Jesus, talks about how important humility is in all our relationships, but we first have to understand God’s meaning of true humility. Tom gives four basic examples and the first one is:  

Humility is not thinking less of myself; it is thinking more of others. 

In order to be truly humble, you don’t have to neglect yourself or deny yourself or your gifts. Truly humble people simple spend more time thinking about others than about themselves. Andrew Murray put it this way: “The humble person is not one who thinks meanly of himself; he simply does not think of himself at all!” Philippians 2:3-4 is a challenge: 

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.  

Some years ago when I first started to take this passage seriously, I felt frustrated because I could not figure out how I would ever get to the place that I really thought others better than me. Honestly, that is a tough assignment, is it not? So, I prayed about it, asking God to show me how to put this principle into practice in my life. I knew it had to be a God-thing—something the Holy Spirit empowered me to do—because I could never do it on my own. 

Then I looked at the words more closely, and realized it said I should “consider” others better than myself. I don’t have to feel it; I just need to consider it. Other translations say esteem others better than yourself, count others more significant than yourself, regard others better than yourself. It means that you do this based not on your feelings or sentiment, but out of obedience and a set of your will.  

One writer put it this way: As we esteem others better, we will naturally have a concern for their needs and concerns; this sort of outward looking mentality naturally leads to a unity among the people of God. If I am considering you above me, and you are considering me above you, a marvelous thing happens: we have a community where everyone is looked up to, and no one is looked down on. 

True humility is not thinking less of myself; it is thinking more of others. And the benefits are enormous.