Remembering and Forgetting – Part II

Part II

It’s true that our memories can be our worst enemies. I remember talking with a young woman whose husband survived a terrible airplane disaster in Sioux City, Iowa quite a few years ago now.  They were naturally finding it impossible to forget that horrible event, and the memories of that death and destruction are engraved in their minds.

I was in an automobile accident over thirty years ago, where my dear friend was killed.  I can never forget that event; the details are as clear today as ever and of course since I can’t forget it, the pain and sorrow are never completely forgotten.

How many women have I talked with who, years later, are still plagued with the memory of a painful rejection in their lives.  They cannot forget the day their husband walked out on them, or a friend deserted them, or a relationship ended.  I see in their eyes the pain of that experience, and try as they will, they cannot forget it.

I remember talking with a woman in one of my business seminars who was telling me about an unpleasant experience she had with a customer.  This man had treated her very condescendingly and unkindly, and as she told me about it, her voice trembled, her face turned red, and it was obviously a deep wound.  I said to her, “When did this happen?” and she replied, “Eighteen months ago.”  For eighteen months she has not been able to forget this one brief painful interaction, and her memory brings back the pain as though it happened yesterday.

Many people have difficulty forgetting wrongs done to them in the past.  A woman asked me recently, “How can I ever get over the hurt of being betrayed by what I thought was my best friend?  We’re both Christians, but she turned on me, and I can never trust anyone again.  How can I ever forgive her?”

I find it difficult to forget the years I spent in rebellion against God, and that past can come back to haunt me at times.  So many of us struggle with our past sins, finding it almost impossible to forget the terrible things we’ve done in the past, even though we know God has forgiven us and no longer holds them against us.

Yes, indeed, all too often our memories are our worst enemies.  We find it easy to forget what we should remember, and remember what we should forget.  I want to look at some scripture today which tells us what we should forget, and I hope as we look at these, that many of you who are plagued with the wrong memories will find God’s grace to forget these things.

The first passage is Philippians 3:12-14.  Paul says, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do:  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Paul is focused on one thing: winning the prize, doing what God has called him to do.  He is candid to tell us that he doesn’t have his act totally together, and he’s in the process of becoming what God desires him to be.  But in order to do that, he knows that he must forget what is behind and focus on the future.

Now, think about what was behind Paul.  A life of rebellion against Christ when he actually was the enemy of the Lord, persecuting and killing Christians for their faith, before his conversion.  After that, he had other things in his past to forget:  failures, for one.  All of his plans for serving the Lord had not succeeded as he wanted them to.  He had been prevented from going certain places and doing what he planned to do.

Relationship problems also were in his past.  He had a disagreement with Barnabas over Mark, and some of the other Christians were suspicious of him and his conversion.

He also had much success in his past, much he could be proud of.  But that also had to be forgotten.  He couldn’t live in the victories of the past and be effective for God in the future.  So, he determined to forget what was behind him in order to attain the heavenly goal that was before him.

The humanistic philosophy which pervades so much of our thinking today has caused many people to be very focused on the past.  I think of a dear friend who, in trying to find help from a psychiatrist, has instead been driven to her past more and more until now she thinks of nothing else.  The future is on hold for her, because she is obsessed with her past.

I recognize there is certainly a place for people to understand their past, to be able to deal with the pains and hurts of yesterday so that they can find healing and then be able to focus on the future.  And biblically-based counseling will lead a person to learn to deal with his or her past for the purpose of putting it behind them, rather than to continually focus on it.

One reason Paul could forget those things which were behind was because he had a goal in front of him.  You know, when you’re occupied with doing something worthwhile, when you have activities that are meaningful and important, you can forget what is behind much easier.  I notice that people who are inactive are much more likely to be consumed with their pasts.  One of the great blessings of being involved in the lives of others is that it causes us to forget ourselves.

Another favorite scripture of mine is Isaiah 43:18-19:  “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”

Do not dwell on the past!  That is very good advice for all of us.  The Lord says through the prophet, “Can’t you see that something new is happening?”  Many times we miss what God is trying to do for us now simply because we will not forget the former things.  Perhaps we keep remembering the pains of our past.  Or in some cases, we keep remembering the good times of our past and wanting to have them back again.  Either way, the past is keeping us from enjoying the new things that God has in store for us.

Do you feel as though you’re in a desert and a wasteland today?  Well, perhaps you’re still there because you refuse to forget the past and put out of your mind the former things, whether good or bad.  God may have wonderful plans to change your desert into a garden, but if you’re always focused on the past, you’ll miss the future God has for you.

I like the way Isaiah puts this:  “Do not dwell on the past.”  It’s that dwelling and continual concentration on the past that gets us in trouble.  Surely in many cases we will not ever in this life be able to literally erase from our memories the painful things from our past, nor should we want to forget the good things.  But when we live in the past, when the past controls our thinking, then we have no future.

What is it in your past that you need to put behind you?  Wrongful treatment in your childhood?  Sin in your own life?  Missed opportunities which won’t come your way again?  Betrayal by a close friend?  Sorrow over a lost loved one or a ruined relationship?

We must purpose in our hearts to forget those things.  I’m not talking about a literal erasure of our memories, but a refusal on our part to dwell on those past things that keep us from being focused on the future.

How do we forget?  It will take divine intervention.  It will take prayer and much time in God’s Word.  You’ll never be able to do it on your own.  My friend who is so totally consumed with her past does not know Christ as her Savior, and within herself has no power to put the past behind her.  I think for most of us it would be mission impossible without the Lord.

But with God’s help, I truly believe it is possible for us to forget what we should forget, to put behind us the things which are weighing us down, to no longer dwell on the former things.  In order to do that, we must become future-focused.

Think about it:  In your life are you more focused on the past than you are on the future?  What do you think about most often?  What bothers you most frequently?  Your past?  Can you not see how that is preventing you from knowing the joys and blessings God has planned for your future?  God is waiting to do a new thing for you, but if you never forget what is behind you, you can’t even see the good things God wants to do.

If you’re finding it difficult to forget what you should forget, ask yourself what are your goals for the future.  Paul said he was able to forget what was behind him because he was pressing toward the goal that was in front of him.

What is it God wants you to press forward to attain?  What are the things you should be doing that are eternally significant?  Who are the people you need to be pouring your life out for?  When we become involved in the future, then we’re able to forget those things which are behind us.  If you aren’t involved in eternal things, don’t be surprised to discover that forgetting the past is difficult if not impossible.

Don’t wait until you can get the past behind you before you start focusing on the future.

Remember, Paul said he wasn’t yet made perfect, he still had things to deal with in his life.  But nonetheless, even in this incomplete stage, he focused on doing the important thing:  forgetting what was behind and straining toward what was ahead.

Start right where you are, even though you feel straddled with your past.  Determine to focus on the future, with God’s help.  You will discover that in the process of becoming future oriented, the problems with your past will begin to subside.  An important part of your healing from past wounds is to forget them by filling your life with the good things of the future which God has for you.