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My friend, Afton Rorvik, is an introvert and she has learned to appreciate her introversion as a gift from God, rather than a character flaw, so it is because of her that we’re talking about this—not only today but she will conduct a workshop for introverts at our upcoming Weekend Getaway. Now, it’s pretty obvious that I am not an introvert nor even close. But through Afton I’ve really come to see that introversion can be a valuable tool that God can use in wonderful ways. So, who better than Afton to talk about this?
Here’s our conversation on the topic of introverts:
Mary: Afton is married to a long-time friend, John. I well remember attending their wedding, watching their two children grow into beautiful adults, and John serves on our Board here. He works at Wheaton College in their media, and his experience is very helpful to us. So, yes, longtime friends with Afton and John, many happy times together.
Afton, in our many times together you and I have talked about this topic—this trait—of being an introvert and through your eyes I have learned so much. You are a gifted writer, and I know you find writing your preferred means of expression, but let’s begin today by hearing your story of how you have come to appreciate how God created you.
Afton: Thanks, Mary! I’m so glad to be here and so fun to share friendship with you over the years even though we have such different personalities.
It’s been a journey for me, learning that I’m an introvert. I suppose I should define that before we jump in. An introvert is someone who is energized by quiet. So that means that quiet acts for me like gasoline acts for a car. So, when I’m worn out, that’s what I need—quiet. And an extrovert is someone who is energized by people.
Mary: And I know that you are married to an extrovert.
Afton: Yes, I am. And that’s been a big part of the journey. My husband is an extrovert, and he can walk into a room and know how to talk to people. And he can make them laugh. So, that’s been part of the journey—learning that my voice matters, too. In typical introvert fashion, I’ve done a lot of reading and learning—that’s what introverts do—and it’s been a really good journey over the last few years. I’m learning that God didn’t make a mistake when He made me an introvert I don’t have to be like my extroverted friends. I can be who God created me to be.
Mary: That’s such a good place to be, isn’t it? Believe it or not, I struggled with the way God created me because I thought that women were not supposed to be like me. So, it can work for both of us.
Afton: I think we all struggle with it.
Mary: But you have come to a good place with it now.
Afton: I have. The truth that I wrestled with the most was that God created me to be a quiet person, but He also created me to connect with other people. As a Christian I can’t crawl into my basement, put a blanket over my head, and say, “Go away, I’m an introvert.” God wants me to reach out and connect. I’ve realized as an introvert that I can connect with people—in different ways than an extrovert, but in good ways.
Mary: I think all of us have to come to that place, however God has wired us, because even though I’m an out-front, upfront person, there are times I need to cool it, tone it down, keep my mouth shut. We have to learn how to get that balance.
Afton: Yes, and that’s what I want to talk about at the workshop. Extroverts need to understand introverts, and introverts need to understand extroverts, and how we can find our voice in a church setting, a Bible study setting, a work setting–yes, even our homes. And the interesting thing is that research says at least a third of the population calls themselves introverts, and it could be as much as half. That means that every one of us has introverts in our lives, whether it’s a spouse or child or coworker. It is important that we learn how to help each other find our voice.
Mary: I’m so glad we’re doing this workshop because I never thought about needing a workshop like this until you started talking to me about it. And I realized, my goodness, we need to give this information, this hope, to a lot of women who will be at the retreat who feel like you do.
Afton: And retreats can be hard places for introverts because a retreat is full of people, full of small talk, lots of buzz. An introvert can walk into that and feel like, what am I doing here? So, I’m hoping introverts will come and will feel welcome and that the extroverts in our midst will help them find their voice.
Mary: I’m glad you said that because I want to say to the introverts listening to us that you are not only welcome, you’re going to be blessed by coming to this retreat, and we promise not to be too loud and cause you too much trouble!
If you think about it, our culture devalues a quiet person, right? It’s not the quiet person who is seen as the successful person.
Afton: I think that is true in a business setting—a person who talks well and who can “work a room” is often given preference. But I think that’s beginning to change. Susan Cain has written a book called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, and in it she talks about the gifts that introverts have. Her book has created a conversation in our culture about introverts, and I’m so glad to see that.
Social media has a buzz about introverts, but interestingly it’s often a negative buzz. It’s introverts saying, “I’m an introvert; go away.” There’s a T-shirt on Pinterest that says, “I prefer animals to people.” That’s why as Christians who are introverts, we have to wrestle with this. We can’t just say, “Go away world!”
Mary: We often talk in our Christian world about how God gifts us, but what I learned a long time ago is that you can’t stay in the safe box of your gifts. I’ve often said I do not have the gift of mercy, and I don’t, but I still must be a merciful person. I have to get out of my box and show mercy.
Afton: And that’s a big part of it–recognizing that God needs to stretch me, and I need to agree to be stretched. I can’t hide forever.
Mary: What do you think will be the takeaway from your workshop?
Afton: I’m hoping we’ll have a mix of introverts and extroverts, and together we can take a look at this quiet soul and say, “How can we in a ministry setting, in a work setting, draw out that voice?”
It’s not just a quiet workshop where we don’t talk, but it will be a conversation back and forth, and we can learn from each other.
First Corinthians 12 talks about the body and how we have a hand and foot and how we are different but we’re all part of the same body. That’s what I want to emphasize in this workshop. Just because you’re an introvert, you can’t say that you don’t belong to the Body of Christ, or because you’re an extrovert, you can’t say that you don’t belong. We need each other.
Mary: I have to admit that sometimes we extroverts are not very empathetic with others who are not like us, and we need to hear their voices.
Afton: And things come more easily to extroverts. I just want to create an awareness that quiet souls have a lot to offer. They are thinkers. They are internal processors. If there’s a way to pull them out, we can learn a lot from them.
Mary: And you’re also great listeners, which is one of the best gifts you can give a person, just to listen to them.
Afton: Yes. We call listening the introverts’ “super power.”
Mary: I have to teach myself to listen. I have to continually remind myself to let others talk. So, people like you—good listeners—are such a gift to the Body of Christ.
Afton: Well, it goes both ways. As an introvert, I have to tell myself, “You have to talk; stop listening and talk!” I have a voice.
Mary: I’m very glad you’re going to be a part of our Getaway. I also want to talk about your book, Storm Sisters. Afton is an artist with words; she takes words and crafts them so beautifully. And her book, Storm Sisters was written in 2014, so tell us how that book came to be.
Afton: That book came out of a really hard time when my mother had a rare brain disease—only one in a million people get this disease. When she was sick and knew she was dying, she said, “I’ll be okay; my 700 friends will help.” And we all laughed and said, “Who has 700 friends?” But my mother had a remarkable group of women. She was dying around the holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas, but these women jumped in and surrounded her, and they surrounded me. They just helped me see the value of connection.
As an introvert, I was a bit of a Lone Ranger, and I would think, I’ve got this; I can do this, but this experience really showed me the value of connection. It changed my life. I taught myself in writing this book. It showed me I had to be connected with women and not run when life gets hard.
These women could easily have said, “Oh, it’s the holidays, I’m busy, I can’t help you. But they jumped in. And not only that, they had boundaries. They said, “This is what we can do; this is what we can’t do.” It was just an incredible story, so I knew I had to write about it.
Mary: It’s a wonderful book, and we’re offering it for a donation of any amount. I want lots of women to read it, because in an age when we’re becoming more and more isolated, we need to work harder and be more intentional about connecting. And your book is good not only for those going through the hurting times, but also for those who have friends going through hurting times. We must recognize our duty, our responsibility, our privilege to be there for them.
Afton: As I mentioned, the writing of the book changed me. I saw firsthand the value of living connected, and I committed myself to living that way—a stretch for an introvert, but a good stretch.