Part II
I talked about some of the things we cannot control in our lives, beginning with the weather, to other people, our heritage, and our past. Yet we frequently spend immense amounts of energy and time trying to change these things and people, instead of accepting them as beyond our control. Or, sometimes we respond to the uncontrollable things or people by running away or by denial. Often we allow them to make us bitter and angry.
Trying to control the uncontrollable always ends up in frustration and disappointment. So, the lesson we need to learn is that if we will control the controllable, we can cope with the uncontrollable.
Let’s think now about what we can control.
First, we can control our relationship with Jesus. Indeed, we are as close to Jesus as we want to be. It takes commitment and discipline and desire, but he has promised that if we seek him with our whole heart, we will find him. Are you controlling your relationship with Jesus? When you stay in first love with him, you have the strength to cope with the uncontrollable.
If you’re like me, you find that the first thing you start to neglect when you’re struggling with the uncontrollable is your time with Jesus. Either you excuse yourself because the uncontrollable thing or person is taking so much of your time. Or you just don’t feel in the mood. Trying to control the uncontrollable is very frustrating and leaves us emotionally depleted, doesn’t it? So, we just don’t have any desire to spend time with Jesus.
But no one can keep us from having a close fellowship with Jesus if we want to. Think about that. There is no person or circumstance that can rob you of Jesus. Paul told us that in Romans 8, and he really pulled out every word in his vocabulary to get this point across to us. He said:
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Now, he was referring to our eternal security as believers, but he was also referring to our daily walk with the Lord. Nothing and no one can interfere with our ability to experience and know the love of Jesus in our lives if we don’t allow them to. They can lock us in prison, take away everything we own, but they cannot take away Jesus and his presence in our lives.
Is that uncontrollable thing or person in your life right now coming between you and Jesus? It doesn’t have to be that way. You can make a choice, right now, that regardless of how difficult or frustrating the uncontrollable is, you are going to stay closely attached to Jesus Christ. That means getting back to spending time with him, feeding on his Word, talking about him and thinking about him, instead of focusing on the uncontrollable.
I promise you, when you get back into first love with Jesus, the uncontrollable takes on a whole new perspective. Not long ago I spend some frustrating days trying to control the uncontrollable, worrying about the situation, and wasting precious time and energy on what I could not control. And while I was in that state, my desire to spend time with Jesus went downhill, because I was emotionally so exhausted over the uncontrollable thing.
But finally one morning I got back to my time with the Lord, and as soon as I opened that Word and started reading, it was like water on dry ground. I soaked it up, and realized how thirsty I was for the water that he alone can give. Once I was replenished and kept on replenishing my hunger for Jesus, I had a much better perspective on the uncontrollable, God sent a person into my life for a brief moment that helped me gain some needed insight, and I could put the uncontrollable situation behind me and move on.
Jesus has never moved away from you. If there is a distance between you and him, it’s because you’ve moved away. That’s one thing you can control, so move back close to him.
A second thing we can control are our thoughts. Paul wrote to the Corinthians
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Cor. 10:5)
To the Philippians he wrote:
Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. (Phil. 4:8)
I cannot overemphasize the importance of learning to control your thoughts and bringing every thought into captivity. What does it mean to make every thought obedient to Christ? I think of it this way: At any time, whatever I’m thinking about, would I want Jesus to hear it? Would I say it out loud to Jesus? If not, then I shouldn’t be thinking it. After all, he knows all my thoughts anyway.
Dear friend, if you tend to brood and think about the wrong things, imagine the worst, dwell on the negatives, and allow your thoughts to be controlled by the circumstances or by the wrong stuff you’re pouring into your mind, you will never find victory over the uncontrollable nor will you know peace and contentment. If this is an area of difficulty for you, I have a book entitled Think About What You Think About which may be helpful in learning to control your thoughts. I encourage you to contact us for information on how to get that book.
A third thing we can control is our tongue. Oops – that gets a little close to home, doesn’t it! Well, James tells us that when we control our tongues, we are able to control our whole personality. (James 3:2)
So much damage is done every day because tongues are out of control. Just think back over the past week: What words did you say which you wish you had not said? You didn’t have to say them, did you? But you did. They just came out before you knew it, and once they are said, they cannot be unsaid. Oh, how we need to get control of our tongues and the words that we say. Relationships would improve immensely by simply controlling our tongues.
That’s something to pray about daily. I pray several scriptures into my life concerning the tongue, including Psalm 141:3: “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.”
Fourthly, we can control our attitudes. Attitude is always a choice. Have you been shifting blame a lot lately? Do you often say things like, “Well, you wouldn’t have a good attitude if you had my job,” or “How can you expect me to be positive, given all the problems I have”? If we talked to people who know you really well, would they describe you as a positive person?
The facts are, no one can force you to be in a bad mood, no matter how bad the circumstances are, if you don’t choose to be in a bad mood. No one can make you be negative if you choose not to be. You can control your attitude no matter what the circumstances.
If you’ve been shifting blame a lot lately, maybe you need to ask God to give you a new attitude. David prayed:
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10 King James)
And Paul wrote to the Ephesians:
You were taught with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. (Eph. 4:23-24)
We can control our attitude by putting away the old self and putting on the new. As believers, we have the Spirit of God within us, and that Holy Spirit would not have a rotten attitude. If we have one, it’s because we are not putting on the new self, and we are not being made new in the attitude of our minds. But we can be at any time on any day that we choose to allow God’s Spirit to change our attitude.
And fifth, you can control your integrity and your dependability. Do you perform in all areas with complete honesty? Are you known as a dependable person? If not, those are things you can control.
These are just a few of the things in our lives that are controllable. And if you and I will spend our time and energy keeping these things under control, we will have the strength and wisdom we need to deal with those uncontrollable things.
Here’s how that works: When I focus on controlling the controllable, it takes my focus off the uncontrollable. I don’t have as much time to be frustrated by those uncontrollable things and people, because I’m busy controlling the controllable.
And then, when I control the controllable, I don’t waste energy and time on the useless activities involved with the uncontrollable. You know, in any given day we have a limited amount of emotional and physical energy to spend. When we spend it on frustration over the uncontrollable things or people, then we end up emotionally and physically depleted, with no resources left for other things. You’ll be amazed at how energized you will be when you focus on controlling the controllable.
If you’ve been spinning your wheels over the uncontrollable, I want to encourage you today to enter into the joy of letting go of the uncontrollable and focusing on controlling the controllable. You will discover incredible freedom, you’ll be more productive, you won’t be tired as much, you’ll get along with people better, and most importantly, you’ll be more and more like Jesus.
Jesus didn’t fret and bother about the Pharisees and religious hypocrites who were always trying to kill him, or at least make him look bad. He just kept focusing on doing the Father’s will. He didn’t get frustrated when other people made demands of him which were not in His life’s plan. He just did what his Father had sent him to do.
And at the end of a brief career, he could say: “I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do.” (John 17:4) He glorified the Father by controlling the controllable.
We will glorify God in our lives when we learn to allow him to control the controllable. The uncontrollable is tolerable and manageable when we are focused on the right things.