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How do you answer a criticism without sounding defensive? I’m talking about how to handle criticism, both on the receiving and the giving end.
I want to enumerate four practical steps to take to help you deal effectively in the right spirit when someone criticizes you, even if it’s not a fair criticism.
Number one, begin to pray regularly that God will give you the patience and wisdom to handle incoming criticisms appropriately. Just make that a daily prayer, and if there are specific people or situations who cause you to become defensive, pray specifically about those. This is preparing yourself in advance; it is putting on the armor of God, so that when those flaming arrows of criticism come your way, you’re not doomed to handle them in the wrong way.
Number two, don’t go into automatic defensive mode when you are criticized, even if it’s unfair. Listen to it and bite your tongue if you have to, in order to avoid saying something defensive. Watch your body language and facial expressions, also. Don’t allow them to send a defensive response. Just listen. Proverbs 18:13 says, “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” A defensive reaction is something you will regret later on.
Number three, give yourself time before you respond. I have learned that if I react right away, it is usually the wrong reaction. But if I wait, then I can respond properly. Even a one minute delay can help you regain control, send up an emergency prayer, and respond in a much better way. So, buy yourself some time.
Number four, begin your response with positive words. This is effective whether the criticism is fair or not, whether it’s given in the right way or not. It shows self-control and maturity on your part. You might say something like, “You know, I really appreciate you sharing that with me. That gives me something to think about.”
I have a gift I want to give you, a booklet we’ve prepared entitled “Giving and Receiving Criticism.” It’s packed full of good information, download booklet here.