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I really love coming alongside people and helping them navigate conflict. But if I am honest, I can find it hard to navigate conflict in my own relationships at times. So I want you to know, I am growing with you!
At times it takes me longer to address conflict because I fear hurting the other person’s feelings, getting rejected or jeopardizing the relationship. And frankly, leaning into conflict is just downright uncomfortable. At the same time, I don’t like unresolved conflict that creates further tension. It takes courage to address conflict. It takes a desire to create and contribute to healthy relationships.
For a little motivation, consider counting the cost of avoiding conflict. It is estimated that unresolved conflicts cost companies $359 billion dollars each year (Crosby, The UnCommon League, 1.8.18). What is unresolved conflict costing you and your relationships? There is a price that we pay, and that others pay. Conflicts can continue to fester when ignored and stay with us until we face and resolve them.
How can we initiate a conversation to address conflict? One way may sound like this……
“Our working relationship is really important to me. I was thinking about what happened between us. There are things that I could have and should have done better. I didn’t live up to my values/my convictions as a follower of Christ. Can we sit down and talk?”
Or….
“I’d like to see if we might reach a better understanding about ___________. I really want to hear your thoughts and if you are open to it, share my perspective as well.”
Those are just two examples of how to start a conversation.
Here are some final things to consider:
Talk directly to the person you need to talk with. Don’t go around them or talk about them. Don’t email them. Talk to them face to face if possible, or on the phone if necessary.
Remember to stay humble. The person might not respond in the way you had hoped, at least initially. Give it some time. Know that you are not responsible for their response, but you are responsible to exhibit Christlikeness and obedience to godly wisdom in conflicts.
Be grateful for the opportunity that conflict can bring and what it can produce in you when approached in a godly way. Applying wisdom to conflicts does not always guarantee the outcome we hope for but avoiding conflict will only make a situation fester. Pray, ask God to help you, tell the person how important the relationship is to you and do your part to contribute to a healthy relationship.
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