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Do you struggle with lots of guilt? It could be that you have allowed others to shift their blame to you and you have become their dumping ground. Mothers, wives and women do that far more easily and often than fathers, husbands and men do. That goes back to our nurturing natures, our desire to make everything right, and our tendency to feel guilty when accused without examining the facts.
Remember, if others are in the habit of using you as a dumping ground for their guilt, it’s because you have allowed it to happen. Think of it as flies swarming toward a porch light on a summer night. If you put a screen around that porch, tightly fitted with no holes, they’ll run into the screen and won’t be able to get to the light. So, we need to build some screens that prevent others from dumping guilt on us when indeed we are not guilty.
Another area of false guilt that is common to many of us women is mother guilt. I am convinced that children are born with an instinct for manipulating their moms through guilt. They learn to do it before they walk or talk.
If I cry loud enough and long enough, my mother will pick me up.
If I pout and look unhappy, my mother will give in.
If I say that all the other mothers do it, she will capitulate.
But in reality, we are not doing our children any favors by allowing them to dump false guilt on us. We have a responsibility to teach them to respect our boundaries, and to accept responsibility for their own actions or inactions. We’ll raise much healthier children when we do.
I believe the enemy of our soul uses guilt as a way to keep us in bondage and keep us from being as effective for Christ as we could be. Paul wrote to the Galatians, “It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1). I want to encourage you to stand firm against the enemy and ask God to teach you how to have victory over false guilt.
[Mary has written a book on this topic and it’s on sale this month. Click here for more information about Why Do I Always Feel Guilty?]