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I often envision women carrying a guilt backpack all the time, collecting guilt along the way. These backpacks are stuffed with what I call “girlish guilts,” the small everyday guilts we accumulate without even noticing. Here are some examples of girlish guilts to which a woman’s first response will most likely be, “Oh, I’m so sorry!”
- A coworker says that while you were on vacation last week, the place fell apart and she had to work late every night. You feel guilty for taking a vacation.
- Your child says she got in trouble with her teacher because she left her homework at home. You feel guilty for not making sure your child took her homework.
- Your sister says she tried to reach you three times yesterday and kept getting your voice mail. She didn’t leave a message but you still feel like you’ve failed her.
- Your boss asks you where you put a certain file, and you are quite certain you have not touched that file, yet because he/she accuses you, you assume guilt.
- You promised to help decorate the church for an upcoming event, and then you came down with a bad cough the night before. The tone in your friend’s voice was anything but sympathetic when you called to say you couldn’t make it, and you feel very guilty.
Each of these girlish guilts is false guilt and there is no need to apologize.
We need to break our bad habit of apologizing for things for which we are not guilty. Remember, you can empathize—put yourself in someone else’s shoes and be sympathetic—without apologizing.
[Mary has written a book on this topic and it’s on sale this month. Click here for more information about Why Do I Always Feel Guilty?]