PROGRAM W-1741 – Part I
After Fran gets the kids in bed this Tuesday evening, she says to herself, “It’s the first of the month. I’ve got to pay bills tonight.”
One of the toughest aspects of being single for Fran is the total responsibility of the finances which now rests on her shoulders. Since the death of her husband, Jim, that job has become Fran’s, and she doesn’t enjoy it at all. Of course, it’s particularly difficult because there’s hardly ever enough money to pay all the bills. She and Jim had moved into their home three years before he died, but the mortgage payment is pretty steep for Fran’s salary.
As she looks at her bank account, Fran says to herself, “Well, what bills will I pull out of the hat this month? Good grief that phone bill is ridiculous. And this dentist bill for Alice—all she had was a small cavity. You’d think from this bill she had a tooth implant! Unfortunately, my insurance doesn’t cover dental,” Fran fumes, as she continues to calculate the bottom line.
“Oh great,” she exclaims. “I’m $200 short this month. If the kids just didn’t have to eat, I guess we could get by!”
As soon as she says that, she can hear Jesus saying to her, “I’ve promised to take care of you. You will not be brought to shame, or go hungry, or miss anything you need.”
Fran had momentarily forgotten that Jesus is always there, but she finds herself a bit annoyed. “Yeah, but I still have to pay these bills!”
She tries to calm herself down a bit and think more rationally. “Well, Fran,” she talks to herself again, “take a look at your bills. Which ones can be eliminated or reduced?”
“This cable TV bill—I guess that could be eliminated. The kids enjoy the Disney Channel and the cartoons,” Fran rationalizes, “but they have a lot of good videos, and mom has bought them several Bible videos recently. It’s just easy for me to plop them down in front of the television when I’m tired or busy,” Fran candidly admits. “I’ll cancel the cable tomorrow.”
Looking through the rest of the bills, she says, “There’s really not much else here I can do away with. This VISA bill is too high; bought that new dress last month. . .but I have to have nice clothes to work in.” Fran feels defensive.
“I do need to find ways to reduce my expenses.” She feels certain that Jesus agrees with her about that.
“Well, I know I could sell the house and live somewhere cheaper, but…” That’s the one thing Fran doesn’t want to think about. She loves her home, and she’s been hanging on by her fingernails to keep it. “Every woman wants her own home, and the children are comfortable here. It’s home to them,” Fran says. “I don’t think it would be wise to change schools.”
“I think it’s time for me to seek some good counsel.” She remembers Proverbs 20:18: “Plans are established by seeking advice; so if you wage war, obtain guidance.”
Talking to herself again, she says, “Well, I do need to wage war against these financial woes. They’re causing me a great deal of stress and it’s getting worse, not better. So, I’ll seek some counsel.”
As she finishes paying bills, the thought of selling her house begins to depress her. She feels anger starting to rise up in her just thinking about it.
“It’s just not fair,” she thinks, as tears start down her cheeks. Looking at her wedding picture on the desk beside her, she remembers life with Jim. “It’s just not fair. Why did Jim die? Why did God take him from me? It’s just not fair!”
Fran puts her head down on the desk and sobs shake her body as pain and loneliness flood her memory. Suddenly she sits up and says out loud, “Lord, it’s just not fair. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. I was doing what you wanted me to do, and so was Jim.” All the anger she feels comes pouring out.
“I understand,” she can hear that quiet voice of the Lord whispering to her.
“How could you understand? You’ve never had to raise two kids by yourself!” The words come out of her mouth before Fran can stop them.
Then she remembers how Jesus was rejected by his closest friends. Even his Father turned his back on him as he hung on the cross. “Surely, Lord, you do understand because you’ve experienced every kind of pain that I ever have, and then some.”
The room gets very quiet as Fran’s sobs subside. She thinks again of how much Jesus suffered for her, and feels very ashamed at her outbursts. “Lord, I’m so sorry. . .” she begins, but Jesus interrupts her.
She can sense him telling her that there is no need to apologize. Instinctively she reaches for her Bible and turns to the Psalm she read just a few days ago—Psalm 142—and begins reading:
I cry aloud to the Lord; . . .I pour out before him my complaint; before him I tell my trouble. I cry to you, Lord; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.” Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. (Psalm 142:1-2,5-7)
Fran’s spirit is at peace as she finishes the Psalm. “I guess David felt the same way I do, and he just told you how he felt, didn’t he, Lord?”
Jesus assures her that he knows there are times when she has these feelings, and since he knows what she thinks anyway, she might as well talk about it with him. Then at least she and the Lord can deal with it together.
“I know I was wrong to be angry and to feel sorry for myself. I truly am sorry,” Fran apologizes again.
She knows that she is forgiven and that Jesus will never bring it up again. He forgives and forgets, which is more than Fran can do.
Meditating on Psalm 142, Fran says, “It seems to me that David had mixed feelings. In one sentence he says, ‘It is you who know my way,’ and in the next sentence he says, ‘No one is concerned for me.’ David couldn’t understand what was happening to him, just like I can’t understand what’s happening to me.”
And the Spirit of God reminds her that just as he took care of David, he will take care of her.
“It’s interesting that David says, ‘Set me free from my prison,’ because I feel like I’m in a money prison. Because of the lack of money, I’ve got to sell my house, uproot my kids, change my life—if I just had more money all that wouldn’t be necessary.”
Again, her spirit is convicted as she remembers what she knows so well: Money is not the answer to her problems. Money is not her security blanket. “I keep thinking that money will meet my needs,” she says out loud. “That is truly placing my hope in the wrong place. Lord, I know that you have many creative ways to meet my needs, but first I have to trust you,” Fran says.
“I do trust you, Lord—you know that,” Fran says. “But how am I going to pay these bills without money?”
Recently she was reading a book on the power of money. She is reminded of what Jesus taught the disciples in his Sermon on the Mount—one cannot serve both God and Money. Money is a powerful thing—it can cause a person to be its slave. Being a good steward and spending one’s money wisely is certainly a good thing, but that person must watch that he or she doesn’t look to money as the answer for his or her needs.
As she completes paying the bills, Fran recognizes that she must take some drastic steps to bring her costs in line with her income. She decides to talk to her Mom tomorrow. That would be a good place to start.
The next day at work, she dials her Mom before getting the day started. After a little chit chat she says, “You know, Mom, I guess I’m going to have to sell the house to make ends meet.”
“Well, honey,” her Mom says, “it’s probably a wise thing for you to do. I know you hate to sell your house but, frankly, we’re not in a position to help you out a great deal, and…”
“No one was asking you to help, Mom,” Fran replies, with anger in her voice. “I was just telling you, that’s all.”
“Oh, I know, honey, but…” her Mom pauses. “Well, anyway, your father and I agree that it might be a wise move for you to find a less expensive place to live.”
This is not how Fran wanted the conversation to go, so she rather suddenly says good-bye.
As she hangs up the phone, anger and frustration start to rise. “Easy for her to say, ‘Sell your home.’ Wonder how she’d feel if she had to sell her home,” Fran mumbles out loud.
Again, she can hear the voice of Jesus saying to her, “What’s the problem, Fran?”
Funny how often Fran forgets that Jesus is always close at hand. Many times, she says and thinks things she wishes she hadn’t when she is reminded that Jesus is right there with her. This is one of those times. “Problem? Who me? No problem, Lord,” she says with a touch of sarcasm.
But again, his Spirit within her keeps nudging and convicting her. “Why did you have such a negative reaction when your mother confirmed your decision to sell your house?”
“I didn’t have a negative reaction. . .it just seems that no one really understands or cares. . .” Fran starts to complain and then decides not to say anymore.
“Is this a pity-party?”
Fran is in no mood for this conversation. Fuming, she says to herself, “I’m not going to talk to anyone else about this; no one cares anyway. I’ll figure it out myself. Mother and Dad are tired of taking care of me,” she says. “Fine, I won’t ask them for one thing more.”
Fran is letting her thoughts get way out of bounds, but she’s not quite ready to confront that problem.
It is true that financial problems spill over to all areas of our lives. Fran is saying and doing things she normally wouldn’t say or do because she’s under financial pressures.