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Have you had any crucial conversations lately? As I’m sure you know crucial conversations are a part of life, whether they are in the business world, in our families, in our church, with friends, whatever. These are the conversations that can change a relationship for better or worse; conversations where emotions run deep and opinions are strong.
The previous example I used was where a manager needed to confront an employee with evidence of untruthfulness, doctoring reports, even misusing money and funds for personal benefit. For a Christ-follower, every crucial conversation needs to be surrounded with prayer. If you know in advance that such a conversation will occur, obviously you have time to pray specifically about it. If not, that’s when you send up emergency prayers for that conversation.
In a crucial conversation, it is best not to cause the other person to become defensive, or to simply shut down and refuse to share. Even if you have proof that they are guilty, a finger-pointing approach doesn’t work. In our hypothetical case, you might begin: “If the information I have is correct, it seems that your reports are not factually accurate and it appears that the use of funds has not been according to company policy. Can you shed any light on these?”
Think of what you really want to achieve through this crucial conversation. Do you want the relationship to survive? Do you want this person to learn from these mistakes and move forward? If your goal is to not only confront wrong-doing but to correct it and move forward, then think of how you need to approach this person in order to achieve those results.
In a recent conversation about a church situation where a staff person had to be confronted about wrong behavior, the question was asked, “Did you try to restore that person?” In this case, the position had to be relinquished because of the nature of the offense, but was anyone trying to help restore this person spiritually? Unfortunately, the answer was no. The goal was to ask for his resignation, with little or no thought given to restoration. This conversation could have had a better outcome if the goal of the conversation had been more than just requesting a resignation, but also trying to restore that person to a right relationship with God.
Galatians 6:1 reminds us: “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”
That’s a good guideline for determining our purpose for a crucial conversation.