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No doubt you’ve heard this saying: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I can tell you that words can hurt, and sometimes they hurt worse than physical blows. I’m talking about crucial conversations and how we can navigate those waters most effectively.

Crucial conversations are emotionally charged and the stakes are high. They are the conversations that can change a relationship, and the words we choose in those situations have a lot to do with whether that change is for better or worse.

This verse from Proverbs 21 gives good advice for crucial conversations: “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.”  (Proverbs 21:23)

Crucial conversations can easily result in calamity—disaster! It’s a time to guard your words carefully—less is definitely more in these situations. If you’re on the receiving end of a crucial conversation, perhaps one that has taken you by surprise, a good thing to do, if possible, is buy yourself some time. Guard your mouth and your tongue. You may want to lash out and defend yourself, but if the sparks are flying, you might be well advised to simply buy some time.

How? Well, just say something like, “I need some time to think about this; can we come back to it tomorrow?” Or, “I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. Can you please give me a day to think about it?” Recently, in a non-threatening situation, a woman I spoke to asked for time. I asked her a crucial question having to do with money, and she simply said, “I haven’t thought about that. Would you mind if I get back to you in a day or two?” I didn’t mind at all and I appreciated her desire to answer the question from a more informed position.

In crucial conversations, more than any other types of communication, words are critical. So guard your words carefully, Another Proverb reminds us that when words are many, sin is not absent. This is a time to keep your words down to the minimum, because truly, the more you talk, the more likely it is you will say something you regret.