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PROGRAM D-7761

“What do you do with the hurt?” None of us escape some kind of emotional pain—some hurt, and whether it’s a slight offense or some deep, ingrained trauma that we’ve experienced, we have to decide what we’re going to do with that hurt. That’s the most important issue because it determines whether you’re going to let it harm you endlessly or you’re going to put it behind you somehow and move on.

What is the most common way people deal with hurt? I think the most common and harmful thing you can do is to harbor it, to blame others, to relive it time and again. It can become so all-consuming that your hurt begins to define who you are.

I remember a person I knew many years ago who chose to see herself as the person who had been wronged by everyone in her life. Her hurt became her identity, and in her mind she always saw herself as a victim. That was who she was—and you didn’t have to be around her long before she communicated that in some way or another. Interestingly, because her hurt was her identity, she made herself a victim of everyone in her life, even those of us who were genuinely trying to help her.

Now, who lost in that situation? She did, of course. She continued to heap all kinds of hurt on herself, to exaggerate the hurt she had experienced, and to live in sadness and pain because she chose to harbor the hurt. Could it be that you have done something similar?

Why do we hang on to hurt feelings so long, thereby heaping unhappiness on our own heads? We certainly don’t get any revenge on our offenders by hanging on to hurt feelings. If you think that a pity-party will relieve some of your hurt, think again! Pity parties are addictive, as well as pitiful! The more you feel sorry for yourself and harbor those hurt feelings, the more you will try to find comfort in your self-pity. It can be a vicious cycle, and, of course, it only makes matters worse.

I want to encourage you to think about what you do with your hurt. Psalm 22:24 is a verse to hang on to: “For he has not despised my cries of deep despair; he has not turned and walked away. When I cried to him, he heard and came.” Our Lord sympathizes with your hurt and he has not and will not walk away.