PART 1

The road back from our broken dreams is a difficult road.  The pain and disappointment can seem unbearable.  The unfairness can be overwhelming.  The feelings of hopelessness seem to strangle you.  You look down that dark tunnel and you cannot see a light at the end to save your life!  Broken dreams are often excruciatingly sorrowful.

Are you in a place now where you’re wondering if you can begin again?  Most of us have been there.  Perhaps it was a relationship that failed.  You had such high hopes; it looked as though you had found the one you had hoped for so long—and then, it fell apart.  Or was it that the longed-for relationship never happened, and you’re on that road back from giving up on that dream?

Many of you are—or have been—on the road back from a broken marriage.  How sad are the statistics of our society:  More than 50% of our marriages break up.  Life looks dismal as you walk on the road back from that broken dream.  There are ruins all around you—so many plans now forsaken; so many promises broken; so many lives harmed.

Broken dreams come in many shapes and sizes:

  • The promotion you thought for sure you had, and someone else got it.
  • The job you had for years, and then you were laid off.
  • The business venture that you put all your savings into, and it failed.
  • The education you dreamed of for so long that wasn’t possible.
  • The house you made a bid on, and didn’t get.
  • The book you wrote, and couldn’t get published.

Oh, the list is virtually endless. Some broken dreams are more devastating than others, but each time the results are very similar. We have to make the journey back from our broken dream, and sometimes it’s so hard to put one foot in front of the other. It seems so useless to even start down that road, because you’re convinced you’ll never make it back.

Ever been on the road back from a broken dream? My guess is you have. In fact, some of you are there right now. I know what it’s like; I’ve been there.

I’ve discovered that on the road back from a broken dream, there are opportunities for growth like no other time in our lives.   That is when we are most likely to look up; to recognize our weakness and inadequacy; to pay attention to what God has to say to us. It can be the most significant time in our lives for developing spiritual muscle, for growing in grace, for strengthening our faith.

I’ve also noticed that it’s possible to miss all that God has for you on this rough road. You see, you have a choice as you journey back from a broken dream. You can accept it and grow from it, and eventually you’ll make it back. You’ll discover there is indeed light at the end of that tunnel. Or, you can choose to take one of many detours on this road back from a broken dream and end up in bitterness, anger and despair. It’s your choice.

What I want to do is encourage you to stay on the road; to share with you some of the lessons God taught me; to let you know that the Lord will walk with you every step of the way and bring you back to hope and joy and life again.

Paul wrote to the Galatians:

Have you suffered so much for nothing—if it really was for nothing? (Galatians 3:4)

I would begin by urging you not to let the suffering and pain of a broken dream be for naught in your life. You’ve already experienced the terrible disappointment and suffered a great deal because of your broken dream. Will it be for nothing? I hope not.

I journaled my way through an eighteen month period in my life quite a few years ago, as I made the journey from brokenness to acceptance to—at last—victory. In retrospect as I re-read those journal entries, I discovered a pattern of sorts—steps and stages that I went through on that road back. There were set-backs and failures, but gradually, day by day, God brought me to a place where I was no longer obsessed by that broken dream and the pain began to turn to joy. I’d like to share with you some of the stages and experiences and feelings you can expect on your road back from your broken dream, so that your hope is renewed.

Letting Go of the Dream 

For ten years I pursued my dream, determined to find what I thought would make me happy. But when I came to the end of my rope, I knew I had to make a decision: Would I continue this fruitless pursuit of a broken dream or would I relinquish the control of my life to Jesus Christ? Would I become embittered and desperate because of my broken dream, or would I let Jesus set a new course for me?

You see, often we want God to bless our dreams when he wants to replace them with something better.  We hold up our carefully constructed plan for our lives and say, “Dear Lord, I’ve got this all figured out, right down to the minute.  I’m sure you’ll agree it’s a good plan.  So, please Lord, bless my plan.”  We’ve dreamed a dream that seems like our only road to happiness, and we so want God to endorse and approve of our plan, and then to make it happen.

But you know, the Lord is waiting for us to give him a blank piece of paper and trust him to write the plan for us.  One of our most difficult lessons in our walk with God is to trust him to set the course.  Oh, how we hate to give up control!  But we must learn to trust a trustworthy God and when we give him the blank piece of paper and give him our permission to direct our lives, we demonstrate that we trust him.

When I recognized that I had to relinquish my dead dream and go with God, or else live my life in futility and frustration and out of sync with God, I made the first step, which was to let go of that dream.  Mind you, the dream was not evil, but I had made it the idol of my life.  And so it had become a real stumbling block for me.  It was a painful decision, but I sure wish I had made it long before I wasted those ten years.

Is that where you are today—at the decision point?  Don’t take ten years or ten days to decide to let go of your broken dream.  Take it from one who knows: What you’re really longing for will only be found when you can let go of your broken dream and give God permission to control your life.

Embracing the Pain

After the first hard step of giving up the dream and giving God permission to control my life, I suppose I expected some instant feelings of relief and happiness.  After all, I was raised in America where everything is instant.  You can bake a potato in five minutes, get your oil changed in twenty, get new glasses in an hour, and get a free pizza if it’s not delivered in a half-hour!  We are not accustomed to waiting, are we?  So, when we let go of the dream, we expect God to move into high gear and give us quick and stunning evidence that he’s going to bail us out of this long journey back from a broken dream!

But I was suddenly brought face to face with the stark reality that at first the pain worsens and the hopeless feelings increase.  There was no instant deliverance.  There was immediate peace with God and that was wonderful.  But the pain continued.

I want to share with you some of the entries in my journal on this road back, because I know that sometimes it’s so helpful just to know that others have experienced what you’re going through.  On the first day of that long journey back from my broken dream, I wrote in my journal:

Psalm 27:14:  “Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.”

On this first day of aloneness, I will to let my heart take courage and to learn to wait.  The weeks facing me seem lifeless, long and dreary.  I have many fears, and I don’t trust myself at all.  I don’t feel courageous or strong but just the opposite.  But feelings must be ignored.

For me, this is all very impossible.  If I make any progress, there will be no doubt but that God did it for me.

My objective is to be the woman God has purposed me to be.  I don’t understand why God let this happen.  Why???  I really don’t understand.

But this too shall pass.  God loves me.  He has a plan for me and it is good. I will trust him today.

What I discovered was the pain cannot be avoided.  You have to walk through it.  So often we are asking God to stop the pain, and that is an understandable reaction.  But a more appropriate prayer is to ask God to teach us through the pain so that we will not suffer in vain.  We truly must embrace the pain of this journey rather than running from it.  There is no escaping it.  You walk through it now or later. We must decide whether the pain will result in something good in our lives or whether we will become embittered by it.

Jesus told us:  “. . .unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.  But if it dies, it produces many seeds” (John 12:24).  Life comes from death, and you can find new life even from the death of a dream.