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James has a lot to say about our tongue—what we say and how we say it. In fact, in the third chapter, we are told that if we can control our tongue, we can control our whole body, our entire personality! In order to control our tongue, we have to control our thoughts. After all, we say what we think.
In order to control our thoughts, we need to practice Philippians 4:8, which teaches us to think only what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. In order to practice Philippians 4:8, we have to spend time in the Word and time in prayer. We have to be controlled daily by God’s Spirit. We have to be others-focused rather than self-focused. This is a logical progression: By controlling our tongue we will learn to control all aspects of our lives and bring them under the control of God’s Spirit.
I remember meeting a young woman in one of my business seminars who I discovered was a Christian. We began to share a little about ourselves, as people do when first meeting. She told me about her job and her church, but what I heard was a stream of complaining and condemnation.
The church wasn’t doing its job; nobody ever offered to help her. She was single and felt they should offer her special help. There were no programs at her church for single women. They never called her on the prayer chain.
“But,” she said, “I know God wants me at this church.”
Then she told me about her new job, how they asked her to do too much and they weren’t considerate of her. She had told her boss what she would do and what she wouldn’t do, and wasn’t going to let anyone take advantage of her. Then she went on to tell me that she had been laid off from another job just a month ago and found this new job in three days. That was a blessing from the Lord, and she commented how good the Lord was to give her a new job so quickly.
As she walked away, I just shook my head. “What’s wrong with this picture?” I thought. It was a rather depressing conversation, and I kept thinking about all the people in her life who don’t know Jesus and wondered what kind of testimony she was to them. She did indicate she loved Jesus, prayed, and was thankful for God’s provision in her life. However, that was surrounded with complaining, griping, dissatisfaction, criticism, and self-pity.
Then it dawned on me: James 3:10 says, “Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. . .” And, he goes on to say, “My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” When praise and cursing come out of the same mouth, it just isn’t right; something is wrong!
Your words show what’s in your heart. In her heart was bitterness: A “You better not step on my toes,” “I’ve been cheated,” and “Poor me” attitude. She’ll never change her words until her heart changes.
James goes on to tell us in the third chapter verse six that the tongue corrupts the whole person. When you say these kinds of words, they feed back into your mind, reinforce all the wrong thoughts, and corrupt your mind.
Remember, too many words will eventually get you in trouble. Proverbs 10:19 says, “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” Make your words at a premium so that people want to hear what you have to say instead of wanting to run the other way because you talk all the time.
James then says that no man can tame the tongue, and he’s right. No man can tame the tongue. But the Spirit of God can tame it, if we will make it a matter of serious prayer and daily commitment. Here is a suggestion.
Work on one problem at a time. Where do you feel your tongue is most out of control? Do you complain a lot? Or is it criticism? Or gossip? Maybe you just talk too much. Choose one and focus on it until you can see change in that area.
Commit to the Lord, for example, “Today I will not gossip or talk about others in negative ways. Lord, please bring to my mind all through this day that I should not gossip or disparage anyone. Please stop me when I start to gossip. Please make me miserable when I do gossip. Please help me to hear myself gossip. By your grace, I will not gossip today.”
It would help to memorize some scriptures about gossiping, or write them on cards and put them in front of your eyes. For example, Proverbs 20:19 is a good one: “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” That’s pretty easy to remember, but harder to practice. However, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you, even stopping gossip.
Now, in order to stop gossiping, you’re going to have to stop thinking those gossipy thoughts. Your words are simply revealing what’s in your mind and on your heart. While you’re cleaning up those words, you’re going to have to clean up your thoughts. So, you also need to pray, “Lord, help me not to have a critical, gossipy spirit today—not to allow myself to even think thoughts of gossip or malice. Make me a positive, encouraging person today.”
Then, focus on some areas where you want to start learning to say the right words. Our words can certainly do a great deal of harm, but the good news is that they can do a lot of good, as well. Proverbs 18:21 says that the tongue has the power of life and death, so we can choose to use it for harm or for good.
Choose one area where your words can do good—for example, encouraging words. Make a commitment to the Lord that you will consciously encourage at least two people each day. Pray about that as you get going in the morning.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other. . .” That’s a command; we are to build people up. Do you do that regularly?
Start praying about it and ask God to show you who needs encouragement today. I’m certain you can easily find two people to encourage. Look for them; pray for them; and say some encouraging words to them. You’ll be amazed that as you encourage them, you will yourself be encouraged. It takes the focus off of yourself and onto others. That’s always helpful.
Also, anytime you think something nice about someone, put those thoughts into words. When you have a sincere compliment in your mind, why not say it? It could be just the thing that person needs to hear today.
If you and I start focusing on the areas where our tongues are out of control and get serious about using our tongues to bring words of encouragement and hope to others, we’re going to see incredible changes in our own lives. Proverbs 13:3 says that “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.” Guarding our lips has to be of highest priority if we are to bring glory to our Lord Jesus.
Let me remind you of some of the great benefits of taming your tongue and being slow to speak:
- You will get rid of a lot of stress. When your tongue is out of control, you bring a lot of stress into your life. Having to listen to yourself talk all the time is stressful, and when you say the wrong words, you feed the wrong messages into your mind and bring more stress on yourself.
- You will get rid of a self-focus in your life. I tell you the truth: I’ve never known a self-focused person who was happy. When you get the focus off of yourself, you’re going to be a much happier person. When you stop talking about your problems and complaining about them, you’ll stop thinking about them so much and you’ll think of others. That’s going to make you happier.
- Your relationships will greatly improve as you tame your tongue. Just think of the damage you’ve done to relationships when your tongue was out of control. Now you’ll be saying words of encouragement and love, and those relationships will blossom.
- You will improve your performance. When you say the right words, it will greatly influence whatever job you do and how well you do it. That could result in all kinds of good things for you.
- But most importantly, when your tongue is tamed, you’ll be more like Jesus. You will be transformed more and more into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, as we read in 2 Corinthians 3:18. This means your life will bring glory to him, your testimony will be stronger, people will want to know what makes you different, they’ll be attracted to you, and you will be a good ambassador for Jesus.
If we control our tongues, we control our whole body. James told us that and it’s true. It takes commitment, prayer, and the power of God’s Spirit. It is not mission impossible. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength.
I promise you this: If you’re serious about taming your tongue, and you approach it with commitment, God is going to empower you to do that. You’re going to see changes in yourself that you won’t believe. You’ll hear yourself start to complain, criticize, or gossip, and you’ll stop right in the middle because the Spirit of God reminded you. With this simple method, you can begin to tame your tongue.
Make this a matter of daily prayer. Begin by praying Psalm 141:3: “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Here are some other verses on words and the tongue to write in your prayer journal and pray into your life daily:
- Proverbs 10:21: “The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of sense.” Lord, may my lips nourish people today.
- Psalm 17:3: Today I have resolved that my mouth will not sin.
- Philippians 4:8: Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy—may I think on these things today.
- James 1:19: Help me to be quick to listen and slow to speak.
Are you ready to get serious about taming your tongue? If so, you can keep your whole body in check. But it must begin with a strong daily commitment and prayer. Will you go for it?