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PROGRAM D-7910
When it’s time to say “no,” how can you say it without offending anyone? What is the best way to say “no”?
None of us likes to disappoint people; we want to be cooperative and helpful. Saying “no” is not easy because we know it is not what the other person wants to hear. But when we know it is the right thing to do, we must be assertive and courageous enough to look them in the eye and, in a kind way, say “no.”
I think you need to give some explanation, but not too much. When you keep defending your “no” response, it shows a lack of confidence in your decision. Remember, it is not likely that your “no” will be happily received, so don’t have unrealistic expectations. Soften the blow as much as possible, empathize where you can, offer alternative suggestions if available, but make your “no” a true and understandable “no,” not a wishy-washy, wimpy response.
Be sure you’ve prayed about it, that you have your own emotions under control, that your reasons for saying “no” are pure, not selfish, and think in advance of what words you will use—words that make it as palatable as possible. Proverbs 16:21 says, “Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness,” so choose your words carefully.
In her booklet on saying no without guilt, Alice Fryling says, “Men and women who are humble enough not to take themselves too seriously are free to say no as well as to say yes.” That’s a good word for us all: Don’t take yourself too seriously, and be humble enough to say “no” when you know it’s the right thing to do.