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PROGRAM D-7671
Do you have difficulty setting reasonable boundaries in your life? So much has been written about the need for boundaries in our lives, but I find that it is still a challenge for me. In this episode of Fran and Jesus on the Job, Fran finds herself in dire need of some clear boundaries.
It’s Sunday afternoon and Fran has planned to spend a quiet day at home with her two children, just enjoying an afternoon to play games with Drew and Alice, and maybe even do some good reading, one of her favorite pastimes that she doesn’t get to do very often. Just as she is in the midst of a game of Crazy 8, having fun with her kids, the phone rings and Jane is on the other end.
Jane is a friend from church who calls Fran quite often and talks for a long time about all her issues. You might say she is a high-maintenance friend, but Fran has tried to listen and help her, thinking that this is the right thing to do. Admittedly it has become a bit out-of-balance and as Fran sees Jane’s caller ID, she is really tempted to just let it go—but she’s supposed to be there for her friends, right? So, she answers and sure enough Jane begins her typical long and detailed complaining and whining. At first, Fran tries to encourage her, but everything she says is resisted by Jane, and it seems Fran can do nothing but listen.
After twenty minutes, Drew says, “Mom, aren’t we gonna finish our game?” No doubt Jane heard Drew, but she completely ignores it and continues her tirade. After another ten minutes and several pleas from Drew and Alice, Fran realizes that Jane is not going to stop anytime soon, so when Jane takes a breath, she says, “Hey, Jane, the kids and I were playing a game and I promised them we’d finish, so if you don’t mind, I need to get back to them. I’ll be praying for you.”
Jane says, “Well, I know you’re always busy and don’t have time to talk—I guess games are more important to you than friends.” And with that she hangs up.
Was Fran right to finally bring this conversation to a close? I think so, but it might be a good idea if she at least tries to explain boundaries to a person like Jane. For example, she could set times she is available and limits to her time in advance. Jane may not accept her boundaries, but this kind of abuse of boundaries is not good for Jane or Fran. Got some boundary-breakers in your life? Maybe it’s time to do something about it.